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From Awkward to Empowered: Rethinking “the Talk”

by brian in SAFETY

Someone’s Gotta Say It

From Awkward to Empowered: Rethinking “the Talk”

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

Do you remember the whirlwind of emotions and questions that came with growing up? I sure do. Not too long ago, I was gently reminded that I’ve stepped into the “woman of a certain age” chapter in life. And what a vibrant chapter it is! As a proud mom of two wonderful grown-up kids, and having weathered life’s many unexpected twists, I often find myself reflecting on those pivotal parenting moments. Recently, a close friend (and a mom to some spirited youngsters) curiously asked about my journey through their hormone-driven teenage years. With a smile, I admitted, “You know, I thought I had all the answers and would be the perfect parent… until we brought our daughter home from the hospital. Talk about humbling!” 

As parents, our protective instincts are on high alert. From the rising cost of living and healthcare to the daily news about guns, active shooter drills, student debts, and challenges to our fundamental rights, it can feel a bit overwhelming. But amidst this whirlwind, it helps to start where you are, with what is in your control. Let’s begin with those heart-to-heart talks about the changes they are feeling.   

In this rapidly changing world, it’s crucial for adults to overcome their hesitations and ensure our children and teens are well-informed and equipped with facts about their bodies, sexual contact, self-confidence and communication skills.

Discomfort is Just a Feeling: You’re Not Alone

We’ve all been there. That slight unease when broaching certain topics with our kids. Most of us didn’t have great role models in the “birds and the bees” conversations (that I even wrote “birds and the bees” in 2023 should be instructive). Some fear that if you talk about sex, it will encourage them to act on that new information. As if they aren’t naturally curious about the body parts they carry with them already.  

Why Your Silence Isn’t Always Golden

Whether we like it or not, today’s youth are surrounded by sexualized messages – from advertisements, TV and movies, music, social media, and even pornography.  

Here is what we know to be true: Normalizing discussions about bodies, hormones, relationships, values, and consequences are protective factors that can reduce early risky sexual activity and sexual harms.   

Calling body parts the proper terms without blushing or whispering is the first step. Read this next section out loud: 

Start at the top:  Head, forehead, eyes, nose, lips, ears, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, chest, breast, abdomen, penis, testicles, anus, vulva (includes labia, urethra, clitoris, vagina), thighs, calves, foot, toes.  

If you can’t read or say these words out loud, your assignment is to work through your discomfort.  Parts are parts. 

The Danger of Secrecy and Shame

Kids can read the room. When adults avoid talking about human development or speak with declarative statements that shut down conversation, they create an environment of secrecy and shame. Parents who tell kids to “wait until marriage” (message reinforced to girls) for religious or cultural reasons, without educating about sexual activity, put their kids at greater risk for unintended harms. This creates a fertile ground for abusers. People who sexually abuse and exploit others thrive on coercion and secrecy. They manipulate their victims over time, creating damaging repercussions. The lifelong effects of childhood sexual abuse are many and varied, depending on the type, frequency and intensity of abuse, and child’s relationship to the abuser. 

Did you know 25% of girls and 17% of boys K-12 ages (in both public and private education) have experienced some form of sexual abuse? These statistics represent real individuals, often victims of people within their close circle. Their language used often in describing genitals and the sexual acts reveal a lack of basic education about their bodies. Concerns about pregnancy from non-vaginal intercourse are common

The Statistics Have Names and Faces

At Mosaic Georgia, for example, over 1,500 children and youth are seen each year for harms arising from sexual abuse or exploitation. We’ve worked with minors who became parents due to familial sexual abuse and commercial trafficking. The trajectory of their lives are forever changed because of sexual abuse.

Parents of these youth are often shocked that the abuse was happening and lament that they thought their child was too young to talk about such things. 

And there are as many adults who experienced sexual abuse as children, who later in life seek resources and support in their healing journey. Most victims hold their experiences in silence, fearing that “telling” will cause more harm to themselves and their family. Abstinence-only messages further inflict shame and guilt on young victims, contributing to mental health struggles, including depression, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. 

Shifting Perspective: From Discomfort to Empowerment

Think back to your childhood. Do you remember the tingles, the whispers, the giggles, and the myths associated with s-e-x? Remember the confusion and perhaps even the fear?  

We can do better. Comprehensive sexual education goes beyond biology and mechanics to include the emotional and ethical facets. It’s about teaching respect for self and others, understanding boundaries and consent, and fostering healthy relationships. It’s about creating an environment where our children can grow up understanding their bodies, respecting and valuing a partner, and building meaningful, respectful relationships.

Parents as First Teachers, Schools as Allies

Parents weave a tapestry of trust, respect, and knowledge with their kids through everyday conversations. Spending time to listen, share, and even laugh about life’s mysteries will build bonds and trust. While parents are a child’s first teachers, there is no knowledge test to pass in order to become a parent. Parents have varying levels of knowledge, skills, and confidence to talk about human reproduction, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood.  

Schools can bridge this information gap, ensuring all students have access to factual information and understand the risks and consequences of varied sexual activity. And the curriculum is a great basis for discussion between parent and child.  

A collaborative approach ensures that all our children receive consistent, relevant, and age-appropriate information. This shared responsibility can also alleviate some of the pressures parents might feel about having these discussions on their own.

Resources to Help

For parents who may be unsure where to start or how to approach these topics, there are numerous resources available. Organizations like Mosaic Georgia, among others, offer tools to initiate these essential conversations.  

There are more books and curriculum on-line that you can read first, then share with your kids. Sometimes it’s easiest for each to read on their own and then discuss together.  Like a book club for child/adolescent health.

Call to Act: An Investment in Their Future

It’s natural to feel discomfort, but let’s channel that unease into action. After all, our children’s empowerment and safety are well worth the effort. 

When we know better, we do better.

The path forward is paved with knowledge, empathy, and understanding. Let’s take the necessary steps to ensure that our children grow up with the confidence and tools they need to navigate the complex world of sexual health and relationships. After all, knowledge is not just power; it’s empowering. 

Thank you for reading this to the end. If you’d like to talk with me about protecting all our children, please reach out to marinap@mosaicga.org  Let’s be the best village we can be for future generations. 

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National Suicide Prevention Month: The Impact of Sexual Violence on Mental Health

by brian in SAFETY

National Suicide Prevention Month: The Impact of Sexual Violence on Mental Health

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

“I feel hopeless.”
“I just don’t know how I can continue with this pain.”
“Sometimes I think dying is the only way.”
“I don’t really want to die, but I think about it all the time.” 
 

It is common for therapists to hear phrases like these when sitting with clients in the aftermath of sexual violence. The phrases reveal the depth of the pain that sexual trauma creates. Many clients who share these words struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms such as nightmares, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, avoidance of reminders of the trauma, anxiety, and depression. The psychological impacts of sexual violence disrupt survivor’s daily lives.  

Real-World Aftereffects of Trauma

Take a moment to remember the last time you went grocery shopping. You probably got in your car, turned on the radio, drove to the store, picked up the items you needed, checked out, drove home, and unloaded the groceries.  

A survivor with PTSD symptoms may have a very different experience. A survivor may choose to go to a grocery store across town to avoid the possibility of running into their abuser at the local store. They may find themselves constantly looking in the review mirror for any indication that danger is nearby. If a vehicle matching that of their perpetrator pulls near them, they may experience a surge of anxiety and panic that lasts long after they realize it is just a similar vehicle not the abuser. As they browse the aisles in the store, they may find themselves frozen for an unknown amount of time when they see the type of chips they ate prior to being assaulted. When they finally return home, they barely have the energy to unload the groceries. This was a single shopping trip. While completing the shopping trip is a success for that survivor, they may also feel defeated because the previously simple tasks now require more than they feel they can sustain.

The Troubling Links Between Sexual Violence, PTSD, and Suicide Risk 

Research illustrates the significant link between sexual assault and PTSD. One study found that 94% of women who were raped experienced PTSD symptoms during the two weeks immediately following the rape. About 30% of the women reported continued symptoms nine months later. The National Women’s Study reported that almost one-third of all rape victims develop PTSD sometime during their lives and 11% of rape victims currently suffer from the disorder (1). 

The effects of PTSD can be unrelenting.  

Psychological distress, difficulty with activities of daily living, and disrupted sleep patterns often result in an increased risk of suicidal ideation and suicidal attempts. 

Left untreated, the symptoms of PTSD will often result in feelings of hopelessness which places someone at a significant risk of suicide. Eapen and Cifu (2020) found that among people who have been diagnosed with PTSD at some point in their lifetime, approximately 27% have attempted suicide. A body of research (2) provides evidence that traumatic events such as childhood abuse may increase a person’s suicide risk.  

When a client discloses in session one of the phrases above, the first response as clinicians often involves normalizing their feelings. It makes sense in the aftermath of sexual trauma that a person would not want to endure the pain that seems like it will last forever. It makes sense that they would experience feelings of hopelessness when their entire world has been changed. Clinicians strive to instill hope for their clients that with consistent therapy, the establishment of safety and a support system, and the regular use of coping skills, the symptoms that currently wreak havoc in their lives will decrease.  

Healing can and does happen following sexual violence. 

What to Do If You or a Friend are Experiencing Suicidal Thoughts

If you are experiencing suicidal ideation and are thinking about ending your life, know that you are not alone and there is help available. There are likely people you know, love, and trust who have also experienced suicidal thoughts. This moment of pain, despair, and feeling like there is no other way will not last forever. If you feel like your life is in immediate danger, please call 911 right away. If you are in Georgia, you can call the Georgia Crisis Access Line 1-800-715-4225. If there is a person in your life that you love and trust, reach out to them and let them know you are having these thoughts. If possible, avoid being alone. You can also call or text the Suicide and Crisis Line at 988. Reach out and let someone support you in this time of need. It does not have to be the end. 

If someone you know is experiencing suicidal ideation or is talking about ending their life, the same resources listed above are available. If they have shared their thoughts and pain with you, acknowledge the courage it took for them to voice their need. Remind them how important they are and how much you care for them. If they are unwilling to call the resources listed above, you can take the step and call for them. Trained crisis counselors can guide you in supporting your friend. If they are in immediate danger, call 911 right away. 

References

  1. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and National Center for PTSD
    https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/type/sexual_assault_female.asp

     2. U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs and National Center for PTSD https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/cooccurring/suicide_ptsd.asp

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Toxic Wellness? How Mosaic Georgia’s Wellness Program Breaks Stereotypes

by brian in HEALTH

Toxic Wellness? How Mosaic Georgia’s Wellness Program Breaks Stereotypes

Ashia Headshot

By Ashia Gallo
Wholeness Collective Coordinator at Mosaic Georgia

WELLNESS falls among the countless misused (and misunderstood) ‘buzz words’ in our culture slowly losing their meaning. In a climate of extremes where you’re either a ‘narcissist’ or a ‘spiritual guru’, it became essential for Mosaic Georgia to do wellness thoughtfully when its Wholeness Collective programming launched in 2022.

The Wholeness Collective offers survivors of sexual assault, child abuse, and other traumas a space to explore healing modalities like art therapy, yoga, hiking, dance, and more through a rotation of free wellness activities. These events are complementary, not a replacement to the mental health services of our incredible Mosaic Georgia counseling team. The vision has always been to offer wellness programs as an additional support in the recovery toolkit of survivors on their journey back to wholeness.

The wellness industry, which boasts a multi-billion-dollar profit worldwide, often targets those seeking these types of psychological and spiritual supports. With its allure of holistic health, personal growth, and enlightenment, the wellness industry has captivated the masses seeking healing and a better quality of life. However, beneath the glossy exterior lies a disturbing reality – the toxic underbelly of the wellness industry.

What exactly is toxic wellness? And how does Mosaic Georgia work to combat these stereotypes?

Unrealistic Ideals and Body Image

The wellness industry at large often peddles an unattainable standard of beauty and health. I learned to practice yoga for the first time from a cis-gendered, able-bodied, thin white woman on YouTube (no shade, Yoga with Adriene is awesome!) in my early 20s to cope with the stresses of newly adulting. While Adriene is incredibly respectful and relatable on many levels, she also represents the typical, palatable aesthetic that we see repackaged over and over in many yoga, meditation, and fitness videos that rule the wellness media sphere – though they derive from historical, indigenous practices.

Progress has been made across industries to increase visibility and recognize contributions of diverse cultural and ethnic identities, but there’s still a way to go. It’s also not the existence of these stereotypically picture-perfect influencers and business-savvy “healthy lifestyle” gurus that are the problem – their dominance as the face of wellness culture is where the issue lies.

The Wholeness Collective aims to push back against these industry norms by offering a variety of activities, modalities, and facilitators who match the diversity of the survivors we serve. The originators of so many of the marketed wellness solutions we offer were not majorly white, young, nor skinny. So, most of our facilitators and teachers aren’t either!

Harmful Practices and Pseudoscience

Within the wellness industry, pseudoscience frequently masquerades as genuine health advice. From dangerous dietary trends to unproven alternative therapies, individuals are bombarded with conflicting information that can be not only ineffective but potentially harmful. Detox diets, for instance, promise to cleanse the body of toxins but lack scientific backing. “Spiritual teachers” advise clinically traumatized people on the types of books or retreat packages they should purchase to alleviate their emotional pain. The industry’s tendency to vilify conventional medicine can lead individuals to neglect necessary medical interventions in favor of untested remedies.

The Wholeness Collective believes that science is real and that our survivors’ safety comes before our goals or a desired number of participants. Our carefully chosen facilitators are trained in their crafts to teach in a trauma-sensitive manner, work with children, make sure all bodies are safe during movement activities, etc. All folks who need clinical-level intervention are referred to trauma therapists and/or other clinical professionals most appropriate for their needs. We are a support, not a substitution.

Promotion of Anxiety and Perfectionism

Rather than alleviating stress, the wellness industry can exacerbate anxiety through its emphasis on personal responsibility for one’s well-being. The constant pursuit of an idealized state of health and happiness can lead to a sense of failure and inadequacy when these goals are not met. The relentless pressure to optimize every aspect of life by yourself can result in burnout, anxiety disorders, and a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction. Unproductive thoughts can include:

“Why am I not further along on my healing journey?

“If I’m not at peace yet, I must not be trying hard enough.”

“Why am I not able to keep motivated with exercise? I’ll never lose the weight…” 

“I cannot make it to these groups being offered. I’m alone and just not strong enough.”

The “wholeness” in Wholeness Collective represents our values of community support and nonconditional acceptance. We do everything within our power to eliminate barriers that many survivors face when trying to get help: hybrid group activities, transport assistance, childcare support, multiple forms of communication about events, etc. Though we do offer some affinity spaces (support groups for female sexual assault survivors only, youth-focused activities, etc.), inclusion is always our goal. You are accepted regardless of age, sex, sexual orientation, disability, race, or any other historically rejected identity. We are on this journey together.

Conclusion

While the pursuit of wellness is a noble goal, the emergence of toxic wellness threatens the very essence of well-being. At Mosaic Geogia, we seek to offer balance, authenticity, expertise, and self-compassion to survivors of trauma working to gain their sense of agency again. By raising awareness, promoting empowerment vs perfection, and prioritizing mental and physical health, the Wholeness Collective program works to mitigate the detrimental effects of toxic wellness and pave the way for a more genuine and holistic approach to well-being and trauma recovery.

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Someone’s Gotta Say it- Insights from 30 Years at the Forefront of Medical Care for Victims of Sexual Harms

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

Insights from 30 Years at the Forefront of Medical Care for Victims of Sexual Harms

 

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

We are thrilled to celebrate a significant milestone at Mosaic Georgia – 30 years of providing exceptional medical care for victims of sexual harms. Since July 1993, we have been at the forefront of delivering trauma-informed forensic medical services, setting a new standard of care in Georgia. As we reflect on our journey, we want to share some valuable insights and observations with you. 

Our mission began when the Gwinnett Rape Crisis Center was founded by a dedicated hospital volunteer named Ann Smiley. Our volunteer advocates would respond to calls from the hospital to provide support to survivors who disclosed sexual assault. However, we realized that there were opportunities to improve the process. By shifting the response away from hospitals and establishing a center focused on advocacy support and medical forensic care, we could ensure quicker, more private care for survivors while enabling law enforcement to investigate promptly. 

Our specially-trained Sexual Assault Nurse/Forensic Examiners (SANEs) have conducted over 6,000 sexual assault exams, catering to patients of all ages and genders. By offering specialized care, including prevention of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy resulting from rape, we ensure that every survivor has access to the support they need. Witnessing the relief in survivors’ eyes when they realize they won’t have to worry about these additional costs is truly heartwarming. 

This community-based approach benefits everyone involved. All our services are provided at no charge to the victims or local law enforcement. We believe that access to quality care should never be hindered by financial constraints. However, we face sustainability challenges as crime victim services funding decreases while the costs of delivering 24/7 response increase. The work we do at Mosaic Georgia sits at the intersection of public safety, healthcare, and addressing the long-term harms caused by sexual violence. 

Looking at the larger picture, we see our work is far from done. Despite the #metoo movement and numerous media reports of high-profile cases, fewer victims are coming forward to report these crimes to the police (2021 estimate is only 25% of sexual assaults for people age 12 and older are reported to police). Myths and misunderstandings surrounding sexual violence persist. Our culture is inundated with sexualized images of girls and women and harmful definitions of masculinity. Additionally, instances of child sexual abuse, incest, and commercial sexual exploitation of children and youth are on the rise. 

The expansion of high-speed internet and the world wide web has facilitated predators in exploiting vulnerable individuals. Arrests and prosecution of perpetrators also remain lower compared to other violent crimes. It is clear that there is still much work to be done to address these pressing issues. 

At Mosaic Georgia, we are committed to making a difference through education and training. Our SANE Success Institute offers comprehensive programs that equip Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANEs) with the knowledge, clinical skills, and court testimony preparation they need. In response to the pandemic, we launched PRO/SANE, an online peer review platform that allows SANEs to learn from one another and discuss unique situations they encounter in their practice. Through these initiatives, we foster shared learning, skill development, and a supportive community of professionals across Georgia. 

Combating sexual harms requires a collective effort from our community. It is crucial that we support survivors, hold perpetrators accountable, and ensure that consent and boundaries are understood by all. Together, let us break the silence and create a world where every individual is safe, respected, and free from the devastating impacts of sexual violence. 

Thank you for being a part of the Mosaic Georgia community. Your support and involvement are instrumental in our continued efforts to make a lasting difference. 

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Secrets vs. Surprises: The Danger of Secrets

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Secrets vs. Surprises: The Danger of Secrets

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager

“Don’t tell  ______. It’s a secret.” 

“I’ll only tell you if you can keep it a secret.” 

“This is our little secret, you better not tell anyone- or else.” 

Secrets are dangerous. Secrets are heavy. Secrets hurt. 

Most of us grew up with secrets. I definitely remember keeping secrets with my friends and siblings in early elementary school and even throughout middle and high school. Whether it was a secret about kissing a boy on the playground or about my plans for my next trick to play on my siblings, my secrets seemed fairly innocent and inconsequential. It was not until I was threatened with serious harm or death that I found myself inside the prison secrets create. 

“This is our little secret, you better not tell anyone- or else.” -My Abuser 

 

When my abuser sternly uttered those words after we watched the first episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in August 1999, I knew exactly what he meant when he told me this was our secret. I also knew what he was implying when he said “or else.” I was consumed with making sure I kept this secret. I worked hard at making everything look normal. I did not say things that would cause one to question me about my secret. In health class, I did not dare make eye contact with the teacher when we talked about the chapter in our textbook on abuse. 

Take a moment and think about a secret you have been holding? 

A secret about something in your life or in someone else’s life. 

What is the weight of holding that secret? 

At a young age, many of us learn that secrets are things you do not break. If you tell a secret, someone gets mad at you or someone gets in trouble. Secrets are meant to be unspoken. 

My secret placed me in a prison that was filled with pain, isolation, loneliness, worry, fear, and immense hopelessness. Breaking that secret only occurred when I was more afraid of keeping the secret than sharing it with another person. Breaking the secret is the only way I escaped the prison my abuser built. 

I wholeheartedly believe that we should live a life without secrets. But, how is this possible when secrets are normalized and it seems to be a routine part of growing up? 

A while back, I came across an incredible graphic from The Mama Bear Effect  which distinguishes between secrets and surprises. It is included at the end of this post; however, I would like to add another category to consider. Privacy. 

So, what does this mean for us and more importantly, what does this mean for the children in our lives?
 

Let’s look at secrets first. 

Secrets  are tactics abusers regularly employ to ensure a child will not disclose their criminal acts to someone else. Often, a threat is included with the instruction to keep a secret. In general, secrets are rarely positive, healthy, or encouraging. Research has identified 38 types of secrets that people tend to keep, ten of which are referenced in this Psychology Today article. As you can see from the list, many are painful. Most secrets are intended to be kept forever. We do not say, “okay, I’m going to keep this secret for two weeks.” Breaking a secret can feel dangerous and very frightening. There are major consequences for telling a secret. If the secret is ever revealed, it involves as few people possible. 

Surprises  are those things that we do not want someone to find out about, yet. We throw surprise parties and purchase gifts that will be the ultimate surprise. Surprises are usually positive and exciting. We may tell someone to keep a certain gift a secret from someone, but what we really mean is that we want them to keep it a surprise. Surprises are temporary and time limited. When we share the surprise, we typically invite multiple people to participate. We do have to exercise some caution with surprises because abusers may provide a child with a surprise (a gift or special time together) and then instruct that the “surprise” must be kept a secret from their family and friends. While it may seem strange to say “let’s keep this a surprise” because we are accustomed to using the word secret, it is something we should challenge ourselves to implement.  

 The next time you and the kids make or purchase a birthday present for someone, let’s teach the kids that we are making a surprise and when that person’s birthday arrives, that is when we can tell/show the person the surprise we made. 

Private  things or privacy is fluid. When we were children, we had very little privacy. Someone put us in bed, someone helped us in the bathroom, and someone helped us get dressed. As we got older, our privacy increased. We began shutting the door when we used the bathroom. We were able to talk on the telephone without a parent being in the room. We could use the computer on our own. We begin to learn what conversations are appropriate for which environments. Privacy for children and teens is a privilege. Parents increase and decrease the amount of privacy allowed in order to balance freedom and independence with safety and discipline. Privacy includes who is allowed into our houses and our bedrooms. Clothing keeps some of our body parts private, exercising modesty. Privacy will look different in each family. 

Let’s empower our children by making a “No Secrets” rule in our families. Take away a tactic abusers use to control their victims and give that power to the children. Lift that burden of secrecy from a child’s arms so they do not grow weary and more frightened. 

Let’s challenge ourselves to use the appropriate terminology. Am I asking someone to keep a secret or a surprise? Is this something that should stay private, or can it be publicized? 

Most importantly, have regular, intentional, honest conversations about abuse with your child, encouraging them to always tell an adult when someone asks them to keep a secret.  

For more information, I encourage you to check out the Mama Bear Effect for more resources. 

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The Link Between “The Talk” and Kid’s Safety: Discussing Sex and Bodily Autonomy with Our Children

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

The Link Between “The Talk” and Kid’s Safety: Discussing Sex and Bodily Autonomy with Our Children

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

If I were to sit down with a random group of adults and ask the question, “What happened when you had THE TALK” with your parents or caregivers, many in the group would likely recoil and cringe with discomfort. Most of us probably have stories filled with awkwardness, distress, and anxiety. Parents likely had a similar reaction when they had the talk with their own children. On one hand, sexualized material infiltrates many aspects of our everyday lives with television shows, movies, advertisements, etc. On the other hand, the topic of sex is still taboo for many to talk about comfortably.  

It is vital that parents and caregivers begin talking to their children about their bodies and sex early and in an age-appropriate manner.  

Equipping children with accurate, scientific information about their bodies empowers them to respond appropriately to situations that may be harmful.  

How the Danger Shows Up

There is a story about a child attempting to tell her teacher she was being abused at home. The child had been taught that her vulva was called a cookie. She arrived at school one day and told her teacher that her grandfather had licked her cookie. The teacher readily replied, ‘you should go get another cookie when that happens’. No one knew this child was attempting to tell the teacher that her grandfather had licked her vulva. As a result, the abuse continued until the child could disclose, with more accuracy, the abuse she had experienced. This is an excellent example of the dangers of teaching children incorrect names for their body parts. 
 

From the ages of 8-13, I did not have the language to describe the abuse I endured. I did not know the boundaries of my body extended also to the father figure in my life – not just strangers, classmates, and non-family members. I was not familiar with what constituted abuse. I did not know that there was something I needed to keep telling until I was believed.

I did not know it was wrong.

It is imperative that we provide kids with adequate information so that they can recognize abusive behaviors. 
 

Being Okay with the Discomfort

Toddlers are naturally curious about the differences in physical bodies. And this may cause some uncomfortable conversations at the dinner table. It’s important to remember that toddlers do not feel shame about their bodies until adults in their life unknowingly respond in ways that create embarrassment or guilt.  

Below are some helpful tips and resources to help empower children with an understanding of their bodies.
 

Stay Calm and Neutral  

When my brother was a toddler, he was notorious for pulling his pants down and peeing outside. This is common with young children, and it is understandable that it might ‘freak parents out’, especially if company is over. A parent may respond by frantically telling the child to pull their pants up and to refrain from doing that again while friends are over. The child may be anxiously instructed to only pee in the bathroom with the door shut. While the information being conveyed is necessary and reasonable, the way it is communicated may unknowingly prompt shame, embarrassment and insecurity within the child. A healthy response would be to calmly approach the child and matter-of-factly state that when friends are over, we only pee in the bathroom. This mild, neutral tone does not create a sense of alarm. When a child feels alarm, they have difficulty listening to what we say and are more likely to only absorb the anxious energy put out by the parent. 

 

Eyes, Nose, Elbow, Arm, Penis, Vagina: They Are All Body Parts 

“Every single part of our body has an important job. All parts of our body are good. There are some parts of our body that we keep private.” This should be the focus of our conversations with children. As they grow and ask questions, our answers about the jobs of different body parts will expand and have more depth. We might even have to break out Google when a child asks about the job of the appendix. We can teach kids factually about their bodies. We do not need to assign a label of good or bad; however, we may assign a category of private.
 

Privacy 

It is important that we do teach children about privacy. When we are in public places, at a friend’s house, or even in places like the living room and kitchen, certain parts of the body should be covered. Many people explain private parts by what is covered by a swimsuit; for others, private parts may be extended. You will often have to remind children of what is private, but that should not be done in a shameful tone. It can simply be a reminder. 
 

A Helping Hand  

It’s a complex topic and the layers run deep especially because our children’s safety is at the forefront. Fortunately, there are many resources that can help us along.

Here are some excellent tips for having healthy conversations with children about sex.  

Lots of helpful advice can be found on the Birds & Bees Instagram account.

 

Kendall Wolz heads up the Mental Health and Wellness team that provides individual, family, and group therapy to those seeking care at Mosaic Georgia. As a survivor herself, she has a unique insight into the challenges of living with past trauma, how it impacts lives daily, and what the process of healing truly looks like. Her personal website, Brave Girl, Speak unpacks some of the complex issues that come along with being a survivor of sexual violence. Visit Kendall’s site to read more about her personal journey healing from trauma and peeling the layers to reclaim her true self.

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Someone’s Gotta Say it- Surviving Sexual Assault in the LGBTQ+ Community: Mosaic Georgia Extends a Warm Welcome, Support and Care

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Someone’s Gotta Say It

Surviving Sexual Assault in the LGBTQ+ Community: Mosaic Georgia Extends a Warm Welcome, Support and Care

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

June 2023

We know that sexual violence is as old as mankind. The expression of power and control over someone the perpetrator regards as their possession or less than fully human is universal. Rape is a tool of war – done to girls and women to insult the men in their group. People commit sexual assaults among all communities, irrespective of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or identity. The rapists use many means — force, fraud, coercion, and drugs/alcohol to complete their assaults.   

 Homophobia has existed for a long time. Today, only 7.2% of adults self-identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, or something other than heterosexual. This month we’ll explore why LGBTQ+ people experience sexual violence at higher rates than the heterosexual, cis-gender populations.   

 

Prevalence of Sexual Harassment & Assault within the LGBTQ+ Community

 

Sexualized violence is almost expected among many LGBTQ+ individuals. According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking, while 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men experience sexual violence during their lifetime. Transgender individuals also face higher rates, with half (50%) experiencing sexual assault at least once in their lives. Public and private harassment and threats are everyday occurrences for many.  

LGBTQ+ individuals face a higher risk of sexual violence due to a combination of societal factors, systemic discrimination, and specific vulnerabilities within the community.  

  • Stigma and Discrimination: LGBTQ+ individuals often experience stigma, discrimination, and prejudice based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. This marginalization can create an environment where perpetrators feel empowered to target and victimize LGBTQ+ individuals.
     
  • Hate Crimes: Hate-motivated violence is a significant concern for the LGBTQ+ community. Hate crimes can involve sexual violence, and individuals within this community are often targeted based on their perceived or openly expressed sexual orientation or gender identity. Most of the perpetrators of rape and sodomy are heterosexual males. 
     
  • Lack of Legal Protections: In many regions, legal protections for LGBTQ+ individuals are limited or absent, leaving them more vulnerable to sexual violence. The absence of comprehensive legal frameworks and protections can deter survivors from reporting incidents or seeking justice.
     
  • Increased Risk Factors: Some LGBTQ+ individuals may face additional risk factors that contribute to their vulnerability. For example, transgender individuals may experience higher rates of sexual violence due to transphobia and discrimination.
     

A Safe Resource for LGBTQ+ Survivors

 

Mosaic Georgia provides comprehensive support to survivors, including confidential advocacy support and medical forensic exams, commonly known as “sexual assault kits.”  Our center offers these medical forensic exams in a private and confidential setting. There are no fees associated with our services, ensuring that survivors receive the care they need without financial burden. 

These exams are available to all adults within 120 hours of the assault, regardless of their intention to report to law enforcement immediately. At Mosaic Georgia, we understand that survivors may have various reasons for not wanting to involve law enforcement right away, and we respect their choices. 

If you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual assault and in need of support, please remember that Mosaic Georgia is here for you. Our services are confidential, compassionate, and free of charge. Reach out to us at 866-900-6019.  

 

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Kevin McNeil: Daring Men to Ditch the Mask

by brian in HEALTH

Kevin McNeil: Daring Men to Ditch the Mask

By Ashia Gallo
Wholeness Collective Coordinator at Mosaic Georgia

An interview with Child Advocate Kevin McNeil and Wholeness Collective Coordinator Ashia Gallo, MPA

Kevin McNeil wears many hats: former SVU detective, husband, author, businessowner, and motivational speaker and advocate against child abuse. Kevin is very open about his experiences of sexual abuse as a young man. His organization, The Twelve Project, aims to bridge lack of awareness around abuse with people’s desire to learn and to protect their children.

June is Men’s Health Month, which aims to encourage men to take charge of their overall health by implementing healthy living decisions. Kevin’s journey to healing his trauma and building a healthier view of his own masculinity made him the perfect Tesserae feature as Mosaic Georgia recognizes the unique struggles, coping mechanisms, and deadly silence of male trauma survivors.

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What are some approaches you take to caring for your mental, physical, and spiritual health?

Truthfulness plays an important role for me. I avoid toxic positivity as a coping mechanism as opposed to facing how I feel. Acknowledging and honoring feelings first helps me to stay mentally healthy. Meditation, exercise, and isolation (with limits!) works well.

I encourage others to choose what works for them effectively. Everything doesn’t fit everybody. But expressing versus sitting with feelings is important. Feelings are a guide to wisdom.

Men should learn to be truthful with feelings and why they’re expressing them. It shouldn’t be to make others act differently – but to be real, and genuine. So much of our unhappiness comes from pretending. There’s a reason the Bible says, “the truth shall set you free”. Teach people to fall in love with your authenticity.

You speak openly about the “dark years” when you attempted to self-medicate and overwork to avoid addressing your own childhood abuse – how would you describe your mental health during that season?

I wasn’t even conscious of my actions or addictions. I used to cope with avoidance, loneliness, and inadequacy by grabbing something to drown it. Alcohol, sex, long work hours, etc. I wasn’t in a state of clarity. Only thing I felt was the dark side saying I wasn’t good enough. Then, more shame from using those unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Looking back, that’s how you learn! My dark side aided and guided me. If you avoid your pain, you’ll never meet your power. Don’t judge your dark places, embrace them. The trauma is still there sometimes. And the culture says men cannot be vulnerable about that.

When we are honest among one another, it becomes sacred space. I compared myself to Clark Kent, until I learned to kill the superhero.

What was the final straw that made you confront your childhood trauma?

My breaking point was watching a young boy tell his abuse story while I was a detective investigating his case. I realized I needed help. Children hold so much wisdom. We have it backwards – men can learn from boys.

According to the CDC, men make up 50% of the US population, but nearly 80% of deaths by suicide. We have heartbreaking pop culture examples, such as the death of beloved Stephen “tWitch” Boss from the Ellen Show late last year. What are your reactions to this?

Many men are very secretive, especially high profile men. Many times they don’t have people around them to say “you need help”. Suicide is an act of silence. We must be so honest it disrupts what it means to be a man in our society.

We work to create our lives to be seen a certain way. Then when we make it, and reality doesn’t match up, depression follows. We end up needing constant distractions, and cannot be free.

I was in football, the military, and became a detective to hide behind the uniforms and shields. We hide behind the titles and groups of men. The public image we’re expected to live up to is very frustrating. Life becomes a task. Suicide is the act, but the person has been killing themselves slowly by withdrawing, stopping doing what they love, etc.

Men don’t express how they feel. Even on the way out, many times they don’t express why they want to leave. They just know they can’t take all the emotions anymore. We express distress in subtle ways. And the culture isn’t trained to listen to men’s pain, so we miss opportunities to help them.

“Children don’t get traumatized because they get hurt. They get traumatized because they are alone with the hurt.” -Dr. Gabor Maté, Canadian physician and author.

Thoughts on men in therapy?

We treat therapy like an “option”. If we had more therapy offices than churches, we would see more positive change. It should be a mandatory requirement. Then again, I do understand that people who are forced to go won’t want to…

“Mental health” is becoming trendy and consumeristic. [As a society] we market things we don’t want to deal with. Even Men’s Health Awareness Month cannot compartmentalize these issues. Therapy allows us to go beyond awareness and into action.

We are also often too quick to treat what we should be listening to. We look for superficial answers and try to ‘fix’ things as opposed to ‘listening’. You can’t make things go away that you don’t fully understand. Therapy is an opportunity to confront the person you are and shape that.

What is the #1 message you’d like young men especially to know about dealing with emotions and traumatic experiences in their lives?

You are human before you are male. Maleness is a prescribed title. If they are not careful, they’ll live their lives out being something that they don’t have the capacity to upkeep. But being human is natural. Meaning is the currency in which you purchase your happiness.

To hear more about Kevin’s story, check out his Caring and Courageous interview on Mosaic Georgia’s Facebook page.

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SANE Spotlight: Remember the SANEs during National Nurses Week

by brian in HEALTH

SANE Spotlight: Remember the SANEs during National Nurses Week

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

Mosaic Georgia SANEs in action. From left to right: Melissa Drinkard, Kathy Carter, Teresa Bullard

As National Nurses Week is upon us, we call attention to a small but mighty forensic nursing specialty: Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANEs). SANEs are specially trained registered nurses who provide compassionate care to survivors of sexual violence including assault, abuse, and sex trafficking.

The SANE practice is at the intersection of health care and criminal investigation. Their patients are both people and evidence. They collect evidence, document injuries, and provide treatment and support to survivors in a way that is trauma-informed and respectful. When cases proceed to court, SANEs are often called to testify in proceedings.

Kathy Carter, director of Forensic Medical Services, is often asked why she chose to practice as a nurse in such a difficult specialty. Kathy shares her Why: “While I cannot end sexualized violence, I can offer trauma informed care to patients after an assault or on-going abuse which promotes a feeling of safety, empowerment and healing. This level of care can make a HUGE difference in the trajectory of the patient’s journey.”

Victims of sex crimes are more likely to report the assaults and participate in investigations after receiving trauma-informed care from SANE and advocates. Like all people who seek medical care, the experience is more effective when the care providers lead with listening and believing.

Mosaic Georgia was the first Sexual Assault Center in Georgia to develop the community-based SANE/medical forensic program. In 1993 (then Gwinnett Rape Crisis), we treated our first patient/victim of rape in our center. Over the last 30 years, our SANEs have provided more than 6,000 medical forensic exams to people ranging in age from 3 months to 90 years. The medical care is enhanced with victim and family advocacy, mental health services, and other supports in one location.

To respond to calls 24/7, the community relies on committed SANEs who go on-call after hours and weekends and respond to our center when needed. These are special people. If you meet a SANE, let them know you appreciate their dedication.

Mosaic Georgia’s SANE Success Institute professional education, peer review, and an online community for SANE practitioners. It is a lively forum of support and connection for SANEs across Georgia and nearby states. For more information, https://www.mosaicgeorgia.org/education-training/

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Gen Z And Self-Esteem: The Kids Are (Gonna Be) Alright

by brian in HEALTH

Gen Z And Self-Esteem: The Kids Are (Gonna Be) Alright

By Ashia Gallo
Wholeness Collective Coordinator at Mosaic Georgia

May is National Teen Self-Esteem Month!

What better time to raise awareness on the importance of our youth feeling self-aware, confident, and healthy as they grow to rule this world someday. It’s been a few decades now since an iconic diva instructed us to teach children well, let them lead the way, and to hold up a mirror for them to see their own beauty. But in order to guide, we must understand Generation Z, or Gen Z, which comprises those born between 1996 and 2015.

As a 30-year-old Millennial, it blows my mind to watch my “Gen Z” nieces whose diapers I changed evolve into young womanhood. It’s fascinating to see their growing awareness of their own bodies, opinions, and talents. Especially in a world that continues to change at a mind-numbing rate!

Each generation has its gripes with authority and the stack of cards they feel they were dealt – it’s a natural rite of passage! Gen Z, however, is determined to break generational limits like injustice, intolerance, and bootstrap myths. On a large scale, their worldview seems to encompass inclusivity, sensitivity, and a refusal to shy away from tough societal realities.

A major strength of the Gen Z generation includes their willingness to accept all layers of their identities (think gender and sexual fluidity), despite outdated “social norms”. This openness applies to how mental health and self-esteem is discussed in youth culture today. Gen Z is open and eager to explore their struggles with anxiety, depression, trauma, and triggers. They also seem to not only question authority, but understand the unresolved issues of previous generations in order to break the proverbial chain.

Studies show Gen Z to be the least confident generation. Their progressive political and social views are challenged by the intense pressures of being a young person in 2023. Causes include: grossly skewed coming-of-age milestones interrupted by a global pandemic; very real struggles with anxiety and depression; lack of close family units and community; and less enthusiasm about the future than past generations.

The impacts of the Internet and social media have also been discussed since their inception in the 2000s. However, I’m afraid we are just touching the surface of the long-term effects of our (now portable) 24-hour news cycles and problematic portrayals of false, flawless on-screen lifestyles.

For school-age Gen Zers, the pressure of perfection runs deep. When I think of my own self-esteem struggles during teen years, the constant threat of permanent exposure of my most painful experiences existing forever on the Internet is unfathomable. The darker sides of technology – mob-like bullying, sexual exploitation, cancel culture, and abuse – have impacted our kids’ self-esteem deeply. Swiping, liking, and canceling at will is not only limited to Gen Zers. The increased dependence we have on our screens has led to a decrease in face-to-face human interaction and ease of conversation – especially for our youth.

Self-esteem is dependent upon having a sense of belonging, identity, and self-confidence. While Gen Z does struggle with these areas, not all is lost. This new generation is full of hard-working, pragmatic fighters. Even when their voices shake, they believe in activism and being advocates for human rights, in both large and small ways. They take up for themselves and their peers. They demand historically accurate classrooms, socially aware campuses, and respectful workplaces, despite age or skill level.

It gives me hope that this generation is willing to take a stand on anything and everything, from racism and transphobia, to climate change and equal pay. Their ability to survive and thrive will surely shape the future of society in ways that will move humanity onwards and upwards.

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