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Grieving Well This Holiday Season

by brian in Support & Healing

Grieving Well This Holiday Season

Erica Legons

By Erica Legons
Counselor/Therapist at Mosaic Georgia

When I think about the holidays, I’m flooded with colorful images of family, friends, food, gift-wrapped boxes, cozy sweaters, fireworks, and the splendor of the seasons’ change. Yet as the mental reel continues, I am also reminded of all that I have lost. Holidays can have a not-so-subtle way of reminding us of the empty spaces and deficits in our lives. Perhaps the loved ones no longer with us while we gather at the table … or the life we used to envision being hijacked by the dreadful reality of sexual trauma … or those in our lives that seemingly over-promised and undelivered, only to abandon us to the pain of rejection, shame, and loneliness. While each person’s account of loss will differ, there is one thing that likely rings true for each of us – grief during the holidays can be especially difficult.

As of late, amidst the leaves changing colors and the air becoming crisp, I have also found myself wedged between my feelings of sadness and gratitude in anticipation of this upcoming Thanksgiving. A little over two months ago, my sweet “Papa” (grandfather) died. For as long as I have been alive, his love, care, and kind presence has been with me. The idea of fully accepting his absence this holiday season is daunting if I’m being honest. However, I am giving myself permission to embrace the fact that it’s okay that this feels daunting.

If you are not already familiar with the five stages of grief, a model developed by Swiss American psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these five stages have been researched and are very common, one’s experience of grief is still unique to the individual. The stages of grief are nonlinear and not everyone will experience each of these stages. Although there is no prescribed “right way to grieve”, I would offer that there is an opportunity to learn how to grieve well, especially during the holiday season. Let’s consider a few things to remember as we set our intention to grieve well.

Acknowledge the difficulty of the season

While there may be excitement in the air as holiday travel ramps up, Fall/Winter sales begin, prices drop, cozy sweaters come off the hangers, and the aroma of family recipes permeate kitchens; there may also be amplified feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and anxiety. It may be difficult to sit with certain memories associated with the loss, see others creating holiday memories with their loved ones/partner on social media, hear specific songs/watch certain movies, or to have the social and emotional battery to attend holiday office parties. Shame has an insidious way of convincing us that we are not allowed to struggle during a time that is “supposed to be” joyous. Do yourself a favor and give yourself permission to acknowledge the difficulty of the season rather than masking it.

Consider healthy coping strategies

  • Coping strategies are not one-size-fits-all so perhaps you may prefer something different.
  • Physical movement: Engage the body in physical movement. Perhaps spending time outdoors in nature for a hike or short walks.
  • Set boundaries: Utilize the power of the gentle but firm “no” when you need to. If you need to decline invitations, leave early, or silence your phone notifications for a set time, do so.
  • Allow yourself to feel: Though this may read like a broken record, it is a critical part of the healing journey. When we allow ourselves to feel without judgment, we are attuned to our most authentic self and honoring our human need to feel and release.
  • Lean into your support network: Communicate what you are specifically needing from your trusted supports. Even if there is only one trusted individual in your support network, don’t talk yourself out of asking for support for fear of being a burden or “killing the holiday vibe”.
  • Use helpful distractions or “press pause”: Re-focus your attention on something different when you need to. Maybe a creative activity, reading, puzzles, playing with a pet, or spending time with a friend. Sometimes you may need to simply “press pause” to spend quiet time with self for grounding, journaling, or a good nap!

Recognize the importance of self-compassion

Remember to be gentle with yourself. What you are experiencing is something that is undoubtedly one of the most tragic happenings in the human experience. Be mindful of how you speak to yourself as you navigate your grief process and realize that it is just that – a process. Set realistic expectations for yourself this holiday season and if/when you fall short, give yourself grace. Although it may not be a nearby thought, grief points back to the reality that you have dared to love and allowed your heart to be open and vulnerable to receive love – affirm yourself for such a courageous act.

As we head into this holiday season, let us commit to practicing the art of self-compassion, allowing room for the unexpected, though necessary “pauses”, and anchoring ourselves to the belief that the waves will pass and our waters will find their state of calm once again. Take care of yourself – you’re worth it.

If you want to learn more, I encourage you to read this educational article on the Five Stages of Grief.

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Growing with Gwinnett: Mosaic Georgia’s Next Chapter

by brian in Events & Campaigns

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

Growing with Gwinnett: Mosaic Georgia’s Next Chapter

 

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

If you’ve ever planned an event—for family, friends, or work — you know how challenging it can be to keep things fresh. Last month, our team did just that, hitting it out of the park with our 5th annual Mosaic Masterpieces Art Auction and Happy Hour. In just two hours, guests not only immersed themselves in stunning artwork by professional artists, survivors, and community leaders, but they were also treated to a surprise announcement: Mosaic Georgia is moving to Lawrenceville! 

This move marks another new chapter for Mosaic Georgia and Gwinnett County. Thanks to a significant partnership with Northside Hospital System, this relocation is more than just a change of address—it symbolizes growth, innovation, and a strong commitment to the Gwinnett community we’ve proudly served for nearly four decades. 

This new facility in Lawrenceville is one-third larger than our current spaces in Duluth, allowing us to expand our services in crucial ways. With more medical exam rooms, forensic interview spaces, dedicated areas for family support and youth activities, and on-site law enforcement offices, we are poised to meet the growing and increasingly complex needs of our community. 

With Gwinnett’s population now exceeding 1 million—nearly four times what it was when Mosaic Georgia began in 1986—the challenges we face have grown in both scale and complexity.  

As technology and social media evolve, so do the threats of interpersonal violence, especially against our most vulnerable. Issues like child sexual abuse, exploitation, trafficking, and tech-facilitated abuse are on the rise. Moreover, daily stressors like unstable housing, limited healthcare access, disabilities, and chronic stress compound the trauma.  

While stigma and shame still silence most people, increased public awareness means Mosaic Georgia receives more calls and referrals each year.  When we do our job well, the impacts are invisible to those outside of the care provider/victim’s sphere. The cascade of positive changes that result from our trauma-informed care include:
 

  • Fewer deaths by suicide and substance misuse 
  • Increased personal safety from abusers 
  • Improved mental health and coping skills 
  • Improved school/work performance 
  • More graduations 
  • Reduced absenteeism 
  • Greater productivity 

The benefits ripple through every part of our community, improving the lives of everyone. If you work with, live next to, or love someone who survived abuse, our work affects you. If you have a child, or ever were one, if you were ever a student, employed, lived with a disability, or are retired – our work affects you.  

This move aligns perfectly with our 2023-2027 strategic plan to keep pace with Gwinnett’s growth and enhance our ability to provide timely, comprehensive care. Being centrally located in Lawrenceville will not only make us more accessible to those who need us, but it will also place us closer to many partner agencies, streamlining our ability to coordinate care and resources for the individuals and families who rely on us. 

 

To fully realize the potential of this move, we are creating a new Financial Mosaic to maintain and expand the resources proven to help people and their families put their lives on a healthy path. The bills don’t pay themselves.  We rely on generous funders – government, foundations, businesses, civic and faith organizations, and individuals to fuel progress. Investing in this next phase for essential hard costs and capacity will enable us to serve our community better, more efficiently, and securely.   

One must be optimistic by nature to choose this work. As we look to the future, we’re filled with both gratitude and excitement. The success of our recent Mosaic Masterpieces event is just the beginning. Together, we’re building on the strong foundation that Ann Smiley laid nearly four decades ago, ensuring that everyone in Gwinnett has access to the care and support they need to reclaim their lives. Because someone’s gotta say it: when we unite for the common good, there’s no limit to what we can achieve. 

If you’d like to learn more about how you can support Mosaic Georgia’s capital campaign and be part of this exciting new chapter, please contact me, Marina Peed, at marinap@mosaicga.org. Your support will help ensure that Mosaic Georgia continues the tradition of the Gwinnett standard for dignity, respect, and resiliency for our community. 

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Two people holding hands

The Signs of Suicide: A Guide to Self-Education

by brian in Awareness & Education

The Signs of Suicide: A Guide to Self-Education

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

Two people holding hands

Adolescence and young adulthood are a time marked by immense change, challenge, and growth. From surviving the emotional ups and downs and physical changes associated with puberty to navigating new responsibilities and freedoms, this season is often recognized as one with the highest of highs and lowest of lows.

Alarmingly, suicide is the second-leading cause of death among youth and young adults ages 10-34.1 It is critical that the community surrounding these youth and young adults recognize the signs that someone may be struggling with suicidal ideation and become equipped with the knowledge to provide appropriate support.

In 2022, there were 49,430 deaths by suicide among individuals ages 12 and older. For every suicide death, there were about: 11 emergency department visits for self-injury, 52 reported suicide attempts in the last year, and 336 people who seriously considered suicide in the past year.2

The lives lost and harmed by suicide crises are sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, and loved ones.

Their lives matter.

What to Look For

What are the signs that a youth or young adult may be struggling with suicidal ideation? 3 The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention categorizes some of the signs as talk, behavior, and mood.

Talk

If a person talks about:

  • Killing themselves
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Having no reason to live
  • Being a burden to others
  • Feeling trapped
  • Unbearable pain

Behavior

Behaviors that may signal risk, especially if related to a painful event, loss, or change:

  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Looking for a way to end their lives, such as online searches
  • Withdrawing from activities
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye
  • Giving away prized possessions
  • Aggression
  • Fatigue

Mood

People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Loss of interest
  • Irritability
  • Humiliation/shame
  • Agitation/anger
  • Relief/sudden improvement

What To Do

It is not enough to know the signs a person may be at risk for suicide. We must know what steps one can take to respond and intervene on the person’s behalf.

Connect

Genuinely connect with the person and express your concern about the signs you’ve noticed. Be specific about what you have noticed and share why the signs concern you. Express a desire to support them if they are experiencing challenges. If they share their struggles, stay calm and listen empathically. Take their statements seriously and acknowledge the gravity of the challenges they face. Say something like “it seems like this is a very [painful, lonely, scary, etc.] experience for you. I’m so thankful you trusted me with this information, and I want to support you and help you find ways to get through this difficult time.”

Ask Directly

We cannot tiptoe around the topic of suicidal ideation. It is critical to ask the person directly,

“Have you had any thoughts about killing yourself?” or “Have you had any thoughts about ending your life?”

When we ask the question, it demonstrates to the youth or young adult that we are capable of supporting them and are willing to discuss their struggles openly. If you have never asked a person this question, I encourage you to practice in the mirror until it flows as effortlessly as possible.

Safety and Resources

If the person answers “yes,” indicating they are having thoughts about wanting to kill themselves, then we have to further assess the need for safety measures. We can ask, “Have you thought about how you might kill yourself? Have you thought about when you would end your life?”

If the person responds that they have identified the means through which they plan to end their life, have determined a time they plan to end their life, and they have the means within immediate access, 911 should be called immediately.

If the person has identified the way they plan to end their life and they have the means to carry out this plan, but they are physically safe in your presence, you can call 988 to access additional resources and to identify the next best steps for whatever community you are in.

If the person expresses suicidal ideation, meaning they are thinking about ending their life but haven’t made a plan, 988 is still a great resource. A trained crisis intervention specialist can assist with safety planning and connecting the individual with additional mental health resources to support them.

Additional Training

Every month in Gwinnett County, GUIDE Inc. hosts a free training course for members of the community called QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer). QPR is a 2-hour training that teaches you how to help prevent suicide in 3 steps. This is a great resource for anyone who wants additional information about how to support someone experiencing suicidal risk.

https://guideinc.org/training-catalog/

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[1] CDC, https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr024.pdf 

[2] https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/reports/rpt42731/2022-nsduh-nnr.pdf 

[3] https://afsp.org/risk-factors-protective-factors-and-warning-signs/ 

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How to Recognize Abuse – and What to Do About It

by brian in Awareness & Education

How to Recognize Abuse – and What to Do About It

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

As adults, we have a collective responsibility to help keep children safe. We should be vigilant and informed about the signs of child abuse. Our recognition of the signs could be the lifeline that a child desperately needs.

5 Reasons Adults Need to Know the Signs of Child Sexual Abuse

  1. Protection and Prevention: early detection of grooming and abuse may alter the trajectory of a child’s life. Child sexual abuse often occurs in contexts where the perpetrator has a trusting relationship with child and/or caregivers. In many situations, the perpetrator has frequent access to the child. Early intervention can prevent sexual abuse from escalating and can stop it entirely. Not only does the recognition of abuse protect the child who is being harmed, but it may also prevent future children from being harmed.
  2. Providing Support: children who have experienced abuse will need access to supportive resources such as counseling, advocacy, and a medical examination. When adults recognize the signs and symptoms associated with child sexual abuse, children can access these resources quickly.
  3. Legal and Moral Responsibility: in some jurisdictions, adults are legally obligated to report suspected child abuse. Mandated reporting laws do not require absolute knowledge that abuse is occurring, rather reports are required if there is reasonable suspicion a child is being sexually abused or maltreated. Beyond legal requirements, there is a moral imperative to act in the best interests of vulnerable children.
  4. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: research reveals the devastating impacts of adverse childhood experiences. A 2021 study found that approximately half of child sexual abuse victims report sexual revictimization later in life which indicates the desperate need for intervention and supportive services during childhood and adolescence.
  5. Raising Community Awareness: when adults are informed and proactive, they contribute to a community culture that does not tolerate abuse. This heightened awareness can lead to better protection policies, more resources for victims, and a community that collectively works to safeguard its children.

Signs of Child Sexual Abuse

Parents, teacher, coaches or caregivers may feel concerned or overwhelmed at the thought of identifying signs of abuse. She’s been acting withdrawn and not herself lately but how do I know if that’s just typical teenage stuff? Am I overthinking it? Is something really wrong? By educating ourselves and becoming aware of what to look for we can feel more prepared to trust ourselves to notice when something might not be quite right.

Effects of abuse manifest with both behavioral and physical signs.

Someone experiencing the trauma of abuse may exhibit extreme changes in behavior including sudden mood swings such as rage, fear or withdrawal. They may also express fear or dislike of certain people or places. Victims may detach from others and become depressed.

Sexual behaviors may emerge such as age-inappropriate interest in sexual matters, like simulating sex with dolls or asking other children to behave sexually. Excessive or compulsive masturbation may occur.

Sleep disturbances can be common such as nightmares, fear of the dark or trouble sleeping. In some instances a regression to infantile behavior such as bedwetting or thumb sucking can be seen.

Physical signs may include abdominal pain or unexplained stomach illness, loss of appetite or trouble eating or swallowing, sudden weight loss or gain and difficulty with bowel movements or urination. If there is indication of unexplained bruises, pain, bleeding or redness on the child’s genitals or anus, or frequent vaginal infections or irritations, this could be a sign of misconduct.

Once I Know, What Should I Do?

If a child is seen to display some of the symptoms listed above, they should be asked open-ended questions in a calm, neutral, and caring manner.

Examples of questions might include:

If a child or teen suddenly has a new relationship with an individual who is older than them or that they display some secrecy about:
Tell me more about your relationship with X. What do you like about them? What do you not like about them?

If a child or teen begins using new words for body parts or exhibits knowledge in sexual acts inappropriate for their age:
Will you tell me what you mean when you refer to X? How did you learn about that? How did you feel when you learned about it? .

If a child is experiencing sleep disturbances:
Take note of what has changed in the child’s routine, how the child’s nutrition/eating schedule may have changed (for example caffeine intake). Are there any new stressors in the household?

If a child or teen experiences avoidance or withdrawal:
Tell me about the last time you remember spending time at/with X. What feelings/sensations do you notice in your body when they are around?

These questions can be used as a guide to open communication about the signs/symptoms an adult may notice. It is important to avoid close ended questions, those that a child or teen may respond to with a yes or no.

If a child discloses they have been harmed or abused, they need a calm, nurturing response from the adult.

Adults should strive to respond with calmness, comfort, and action. Examples of verbiage to respond to a disclosure of sexual abuse are:

“You are very brave and I appreciate you telling me what you’ve experienced. I believe you. It is important to me that you are safe. I am going to make some telephone calls so we can figure out how to keep you safe.”

“I believe you. I am so sorry that you have been hurt by a person you trusted. You did the right thing by sharing what happened to you. It is not okay that X hurt you. You are not in trouble for telling me. We are going to work together to figure out a plan to keep you safe. I am going to make a couple of phone calls to people who can help us with that goal.”

Where to Find Help

The next steps following a disclosure involve notifying the appropriate authorities, including law enforcement and the Child Protective Services Hotline.

If you have any questions about identifying abuse, please contact Mosaic Georgia at 866-900-6019 to speak with a trained advocate.

If you know a child or have a suspicion that a child has been victimized by child sexual abuse, call your local law enforcement agency at 911 or local child protective services (in Gwinnett County, Georgia – Gwinnett County Department of Family and Children’s Services at 678-518-5500).

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This Month: Try the Walking on Sunshine Challenge

by brian in Events & Campaigns, HEALTH

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

This Month: Try the Walking on Sunshine Challenge

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

This is for all the helpers out there.

Those who step up to support others, but struggle to act for their own well-being. If the concept of making time for yourself feels like an indulgence, or a sign of selfishness, please keep reading. The whispers to keep juggling it all, to stay constantly busy, to never be still (and chill), to measure your worth by your productivity – they are old tropes. Maybe your super-hero cape is tied too tight. Your compassion for others is legendary, but do you extend the same grace and kindness to yourself?

Research psychologist Kristin Neff, PhD, a pioneer in self-compassion, has shown the practice not only benefits your physical and mental health, it also increases your capacity to care and share. It’s a win-win. I encourage you to learn more at Self Compassion website.

Someone’s gotta say it, so let it be me: You are not your best when you are running on empty. You’re not fooling anyone – maybe just scaring them a bit.

The truth is, excelling in your endeavors – whether in work, volunteering, school, raising children or caring for senior relatives – requires you take periodic breaks and be as kind to yourself as you are to others. You’ve heard this before: You can’t drive on an empty tank/battery. You can’t bike far on deflated tires. You get the picture.

This is also true: You will not lose your compassion and commitment to helping by experiencing lightness and joy. Indeed, you NEED the lightness to be reminded WHY the work is worth doing.

You, dear reader, are cordially invited…

to join me in the Walking on Sunshine Challenge – a personal action plan to rediscover the lighter side of life to recharge your awesome self. This is supposed to be fun – no pressure to fit one more thing into your overflowing schedule. Instead, let’s focus on simple wonders, humor, and joy that lift us up rather than weigh us down.

Here are some simple ideas to get you started:

Embrace Nature:

  • Take a leisurely stroll through a nearby park or nature reserve without listening to an audiobook, podcast, or music. Gwinnett County has many parks with varied walking trails. See if you can visit all of them this summer!
  • Listen to the birds chirping (how many do you hear?), feel the sun warming your skin, and marvel at the beauty of the natural world.
  • Find the moon every night for 30 days.
  • My favorite: walk barefoot on the grass, lie down and gaze at the clouds.
  • Rainy day? Get out there, jump in a puddle, and laugh.

Humor Journal

  • Start with one week: make a note (yes write it down) of every amusing observation or experience. It could be something you over-hear at a restaurant, store, or restroom. You may even start thinking about things that make you giggle – write it down. After one week looking for it, you will find humor all around you. (I take pics of signs that amuse me). If you enjoy it, keep going. This can be a private hobby, or you can invite others in on your secret humor investigations.

Get Creative:

  • Write fortune cookie messages with friends,
  • Channel your inner Julia Child or Joe Randall or Ming Tsai or Jamie Oliver and prepare a dish in your kitchen as if you are on a cooking show. Set up a video cam or photo of an audience to keep you on task.
  • Go to an art museum, botanical gardens, or art galleries. Drink it in. One birthday I went to Atlanta Botanical Gardens by myself. I wandered as I pleased, stopped and smelled the roses, and used all my senses to be alone with beautiful nature and my thoughts. It was lovely.
  • Go listen to live music or a theatre show or comedy or spoken word show. Seeing other humans express themselves creatively is a gift.
  • Create a new playlist of music that makes you happy or lifts you out of your seat to jam.

Friendships:

  • Connect with friends you’ve been meaning to see. Go old school and make a phone call. Have your calendar ready. Make a date for coffee/tea, a bite to eat, a walk in the park.
  • Get a friend or two to do the Compassion Challenge with you. Each at their own pace. Some of these ideas you may choose to do together.
  • Host a Movie Night: Gather your friends or family (in person or virtual) for a movie marathon featuring your favorite comedies. Laughing together can be incredibly therapeutic, easing tension and fostering connection.

By making time for humor and joy, even in the midst of life’s challenges, you can replenish your mental and emotional reserves, returning to your tasks renewed and refreshed. So go ahead, give yourself permission to unplug and unwind. You deserve it. And everyone around you will appreciate it.

Let me know how you are Walking on Sunshine this month. Email me at marinap@mosaicga.org with Walking on Sunshine in the subject line. There may be a prize for the experiences that really impress! Photos are bonus points.

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How Trauma Shakes Up the ‘Puzzle Pieces’ of the Brain

by brian in HEALTH, Mental Health & Trauma

How Trauma Shakes Up the ‘Puzzle Pieces’ of the Brain

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

A transcript of an interview Mosaic Georgia’s Director of Mental Health & Wellness, Kendall Wolz

Can you tell us a little about your background?

My name is Kendall, and I am the director of mental health and wellness services here at Mosaic, Georgia. I hold a LPC, which means I’m a licensed professional counselor. So I get to not only oversee our program, but also provide direct services to clients.

 

How long have you been in this field?

I would say I’ve been in the helping profession since 2010, so gosh, 14 years. But specifically as a counselor, I’ve been seeing clients since 2018. I’ve been with Mosaic Georgia for a year and a half. It’ll be two years in October. I joined the staff and helped launch the Mental Health and Wellness Services in October of 2022.

 

So that launches us right into what is now upon us – Mental Health Awareness Month, which is of course the big topic. Let’s talk how trauma affects the brain. People tend to forget that the brain is an organ that has its own way of acting, the way any other organ would in the body. There are some scientific elements in terms of how the brain might react, or behaviors that might show up, that people who have not experienced significant trauma may not understand. Can you talk a little bit about how the brain typically records memories and then how that process could change when the body is in a mode of fight or flight?

I always talk about the brain as an organ of our body that is designed to protect us, to keep us safe, to keep us alive. Many of our organs have that role. And when they’re not threatened, when they’re not sick, when they’re not facing challenges, they usually work properly and do just that. However, when we experience something like a traumatic event, it sort of rattles our systems and they don’t function as they do in other circumstances.

If we think about the brain in its neutral or baseline state where everything is fine, memories are encoded using all parts of our brain. There’s the sensory pieces of memories that get recorded so we can recall how we felt when certain events happened, what something may have smelled like or tasted like or felt like to touch; we can recall maybe what thoughts we had. We can also recall those narrative portions of that event. We can tell the story of ‘this is what happened’ and ‘that is what happened’. So I compare it [the brain] to a puzzle. In that neutral state, we have access to all the puzzle pieces and that memory is getting stored as a complete puzzle.

However, when trauma happens or a traumatic event occurs, those memories don’t get stored as a full puzzle. Instead, it’s like someone shook that puzzle up or tossed all the pieces up in the air. And that memory is getting stored with some of the puzzle pieces and maybe not all of them. And the way that that typically looks is that when a person has experienced a trauma, they have difficulty accessing some pieces of that memory.

 

How does this show up when someone discloses abuse?

It may mean they can’t tell us that narrative portion of ‘I did this, and ‘then I did this, and then this happened’, or give us that complete storyline that we desire. Instead, what they may recall is what was playing on the TV in the background for example. There’s a very strong sensory aspect of the memory. They may recall how something smelled and can tell you in great detail what that was like, but it wouldn’t be fair for us to expect them to be able to give us the full puzzle of that memory, because that’s just not how the brain stores what has occurred.

Very rarely when a trauma occurs is a person going to think about, let me jot down, let me remind myself what time it is when this happened or what day it occurred. And especially when there’s chronic or long-term trauma events that occur multiple times in multiple settings, it’s difficult. The brain isn’t thinking, ‘what time is it, what day is it?’ Instead, the brain is thinking, ‘I’ve got to survive’.

People unfortunately can tend to question why someone would wait a long period of time to disclose abuse. Can you talk a little about how common that is and how it affects the healing process?

Some studies have shown and some organizations have stated that the average age of disclosure for childhood sexual abuse is the age of 55. And so if that length of time has passed since a trauma occurs, what we typically see is that – let’s say a person never received any form of treatment for a trauma and many years have passed – it is challenging.

Typically that trauma, that may have been a single event, becomes more complex because of the symptoms they experience, the ways that they may try to self-soothe or to cope, and the way that other people respond to them. Often we see that there’s this pattern of multiple hurts and harms over their lifetime,

but it’s never too late to begin therapy and it’s never too late to heal.

We have many, many studies and I have a lot of personal experience from my work where I’ve seen people who didn’t disclose as kids and are now adults, they work through their trauma and are able to find that joy in life again that was stolen when the trauma occurred.

 

The Hand Model of the Brain

I’ll sometimes use Dr. Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain. The way that that works is you ball up your fist and think of it as your brain. The front part of our brains behind our forehead is our prefrontal cortex. Not only is it the last thing to develop – our executive functioning–decision making, reasoning, higher level thoughts – but it’s also the least important when our lives feel threatened, or a traumatic event is occurring.

If you open your hand and lift up the four fingers, then you would see your lower brain and your midbrain. For survival, we need all the energy in this part of our brain. This is where our stress hormones are released. This is where our body goes into that fight or flight response which is what keeps us alive and keeps us going.

Sometimes we’ll talk about when a kid gets dysregulated, their ‘lid is flipped’. They can’t access the front part – the executive functioning piece, the thought process, the reasoning. It’s the same way when a trauma occurs, we’re not going to have time to think about ‘what am I going to do?’ Instead, we just go into the automatic responses.

It’s just really what our brain does. It’s what it was designed to do, But it’s not exactly what society wants from people.

 

Is access to the more episodic information, like dates, times and locations gone forever?

A lot of times people are expected to give that full puzzle memory quickly–right away. But really their bodies are still in that hyperarousal state, that fight or flight response. If we just give them some time to be able to regulate and feel safe again, then sometimes they are able to access more of those pieces of the puzzle.

I think the expectation or the hope is that they can provide that information right away. And sometimes it’s just not reasonable for us to expect that.

Do you think that most responders who are dealing with those types of situations and listening to disclosures understand the challenges in recalling information, or do you think there’s a lot of work that needs to be done in creating more awareness around it?

I think there’s definitely room for more awareness. However, we have come a long way from where we were a decade ago and definitely, for example, three decades ago. There has been improvement. There is more awareness and understanding from a science perspective of what happens with our brain. But I think it takes a while to shift attitudes and long held beliefs about expectations of how a survivor should act after trauma.

An eye-opening animated video using a real-life scenario, effectively illustrates how trauma affects the brain.

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Other Helpful and Informative Resources

Mosaic Georgia 24/7 FREE Crisis Line: 866-900-6019

Watch as Dr. Seigel explains his hand model of the brain

Read more from Kendall Wolz about trauma and the brain

Read about the trauma brain in Psychology Today.

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After Awareness, the Empathy Begins: Tools for Being a Good Ally

by brian in Awareness & Education

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

After Awareness, the Empathy Begins: Tools for Being a Good Ally

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

Monthly ribbons are visible reminders of important issues, yet they fail to capture the depth and complexity of challenges faced by survivors and advocates.

Once we’re aware, what happens next?

In this social media culture where people share photos of their meals (photo first, then eat!), it feels like people in the US over-share. And yet… as open as we may appear, some personal matters are difficult to talk about, even with loved ones: life-threatening illness, domestic violence, child abuse, sexual harassment and assault, scams and sextortion. These conjure feelings of fear, shame, self-blame and vulnerability. When these emotions simmer amidst life’s daily challenges, social connections and feelings of belonging are often threatened.

Why is the person who experienced harm – be it medical, physical, sexual, financial – often reluctant to tell those closest to them? The most common reasons are embarrassment and fear of the response(s) they will receive. The questions: why were you…? what were you…? I told you…

Teens and young adults are especially fearful of disclosing abuse.

To Be An Ally, Begin Before Something Happens

It all starts with knowing yourself. You don’t have to be a superhero – just being there is often enough. An ally is not responsible for fixing anything. Resist the urge to “problem solve.” A safe, calm presence is most important.

And if crisis situations aren’t your thing, that’s okay. But it’s worth thinking about how you might handle them in advance.

Let your friends and family know that you’re there for them, no matter what. Make it clear that you won’t judge or lecture. Remember, just like the pickpocket is responsible for lifting a wallet, the person who harasses, assaults, or abuses is responsible for their actions. So, avoid questions like “What were you wearing?” or “Why didn’t you do ‘this’?”

The best allies:

  • Are trustworthy.
  • Listen more than talk.
  • Respond, don’t react: Remain calm, absorb their heavier energy to help release traumatic stress.
  • Keep information confidential. “It’s not my story to share” is a good reminder.
  • Are patient. Recognize that it takes a lot of time to work through what’s happened. It is different for each person.

First Things First

1. Believe and Validate

When someone opens up to you, start by letting them know you believe them and that you’re there to support them. For example: “I believe you, and I’m here to support you in any way I can.”

2. Listen Without Judgment

Listen actively, reflect their feelings, and let them share at their own pace. Avoid pressuring them to disclose more than they’re comfortable with. For example: “It sounds like you’re feeling scared/angry/sad. Is that accurate?”

3. Respect Their Autonomy

Offer options, respect their choices, and empower them to make their own decisions. For example: “What do you want/need right now?” “There are different paths you can take from here. Let me know how I can support you in your decisions.”

4. Offer Practical Support

When communicating, remember that it’s not just about the words – body language and tone of voice matter too. You might: remind them of importance of sound sleep; offer a place where they can feel safe to sleep undisturbed. Encourage hydration; the body needs water to be healthy – physically and mentally. Offer to accompany them to appointments, provide resources, and help with everyday tasks to ease their burden.

5. Educate Yourself

Learn about trauma, understand available resources, and offer informed support. For example: “I’ve researched some local support services that you might find helpful.”

6. Practice Self-Care

If you are a partner, parent, or roommate, this experience will impact your daily life. Set boundaries, take breaks, and seek support for yourself when needed.

Remember:

When someone trusts you enough to share their experience of abuse or assault, it’s crucial to listen without judgment and validate their feelings. It’s not about having all the answers or offering solutions; it’s about being a compassionate presence and letting them know they are not alone.

Calm can be just as contagious as fear and stress. So, breathe deeply and keep yourself steady.

By being a supportive ally, you can make a real difference in someone’s life. So, let’s stand together and create a culture of empathy, support, and understanding for all survivors.

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Drunk Sex or Sexual Assault? Challenging Perceptions: The Drunk Sex Defense Reconsidered

by brian in Gender-Based Violence, JUSTICE

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

Drunk Sex or Sexual Assault?

Challenging Perceptions: The Drunk Sex Defense Reconsidered

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

How often have you said or heard “It’s 5:00 somewhere” as a signal to relax from work or studies? From moonshine, wine and beer to the latest spiked seltzers, alcohol has been a social lubricant for many millennia. But its effects on decision-making and behavior are far-reaching and complex.

It Has a Name: Alcohol Myopia

Alcohol myopia – a state where the drinker’s mental and emotional focus narrows. Alcohol decreases the number of social and environmental cues the drinker can focus on; it enhances their focus on immediate gratification and impulsive decision making. The combination of impaired judgment and lower inhibitions can lead to risky behaviors.

Alcohol affects several areas of brain function:

  • reduces activity in the frontal lobe, which governs attention, motivation, and learning.
  • reduces effectiveness of the pre-frontal cortex, which moderates behavior and aggression.
  • triggers the brain’s reward centers and increases feelings of euphoria.
  • enters the amygdala and makes the drinker less likely to feel threatened or afraid.
  • enters the cerebellum, which governs coordination and balance. That is why drunk people often stagger and stumble.

Alcohol myopia explains why someone under the influence may overlook the cues of rejection from another person. It’s like wearing blinders, where only the immediate experience matters, and everything else (including the other person’s wishes) fades into the background. Or the cues they do receive trigger an aggressive response.

To be clear: alcohol DOES NOT CAUSE sexual assault. Most people under the influence of alcohol are not aggressive and DO NOT assault other people.

Consider three common harms by intoxicated people:

Drunk Driving

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 37 people in the US die in drunk driving crashes each day. In 2021, 13,384 people died in alcohol-impaired driving traffic deaths – a 14% increase from 2020. Society rightfully condemns this behavior, recognizing the immense danger posed to oneself and others. No one asks for it.

Fighting While Drunk

Alcohol consumption is associated with aggressive behavior, consistent with lower inhibitions and impulsivity. Now, picture a heated altercation erupting between two guys at a bar, both under the influence of alcohol. Despite their impaired judgment, society does not hesitate to assign blame and hold them accountable for their violent behavior.

Sexually Assaulting while Drunk

When a drunk person sexually assaults – whether groping, fondling or worse – the responsibility narrative shifts. The assaulter’s behavior is neutralized by victim-blaming and excuses such as questioning consent and their responsibility, with the perpetrator often escaping consequences under the guise of “drunk sex.” “She was drunk, too.”….“She’s just embarrassed”….minimizing the harm to neutralize accountability. “He made a mistake. One error in judgment shouldn’t cost him his future.”

It must be asked: Why do we hold drunk individuals accountable for some actions but excuse them in another?

Confronting Double Standards

While some harms, like robbery, are readily condemned, others are met with doubt or denial.

If a man is mugged on the street and robbed of his watch and wallet, would he be asked:

  • Why were you wearing expensive clothes or a flashy watch?
  • Why were you out late?
  • How much had you had to drink?
  • Haven’t you been generous with needy people on the street before?
  • Did you say “no”? The suspect said you consented and gave him the watch and wallet without a struggle.

No, because in cases of robbery, the focus is rightfully on the perpetrator, not the victim.

It must be asked: Why in cases of sexual assault do we immediately shift to questioning the victim’s behavior?

Consider the “drunk sex defense,” where intoxication is an excuse in cases of sexual assault.

In too many cases, she reports that he raped her and he says she consented. All too often, survivors are subjected to scrutiny and blame while his behaviors are neutralized by deflecting and raising doubts about her.

Even though false reports of rape are among the lowest of all crimes (2-8% based on several rigorous studies), many investigations end after a preliminary interview with the victim and suspect. Without an offender-focused investigation, what he said she said is believed more than her own words. It’s no wonder that reports to law enforcement have declined in recent years to just 21% of all rapes.

Who is Aggressive when Drunk?

Predictors of who sexually assaults while inebriated include hypermasculinity, impersonal sex orientation (preference for sexual satisfaction without emotional connection or relational bonding), antisocial behavior, and low self-control. Males with unhealthy attitudes regarding sexual violence are much more likely to perpetrate sexual assault, have higher rates of alcohol use, and are much more likely to experience long-term alcohol-related problems. Alcohol is weaponized for physical and sexual aggression.

To make our community safer for everyone, each of us must confront our biases and cognitive dissonance surrounding the varied perceptions of drunk driving and sexual assault while under the influence. Until there are real consequences for all interpersonal violence, the aggressors have no incentive to change their behavior. Let’s confront these disparities and insist on a more equitable and just approach to addressing sexual violence.

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A Day in the Life of a Counselor at a Child Advocacy Center

by brian in Professional Insights & Experiences, SAFETY

A Day in the Life of a Counselor at a Child Advocacy Center

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

When I was in graduate school, I regularly heard my peers talk about their dreams of owning a private counseling practice, working in a school system with students, or working on a behavioral health unit of a hospital. I do not recall anyone talking about opportunities to work as a therapist/counselor at a Child Advocacy Center.

A Child Advocacy Center (CAC) is a child-friendly, safe and neutral location where law enforcement and other investigators conduct and observe forensic interviews with children who are victims of crimes. The center is also a place where children and non-offending caregivers receive support, crisis intervention, and referrals.

Working as a therapist/counselor at a Child Advocacy Center is a unique opportunity that requires dedication, patience, and a willingness to walk with people through their significant traumatic experiences. Some days are filled with sadness for the child who has been hurt, outrage at systems and policies that still fail children, and anger towards perpetrators that have grossly harmed little ones. Amid the hard days, there are many glimmers of hope and celebrations. Our “why” reignites when we hear how a child effectively managed a trauma trigger using coping skills practiced in session. Our hearts are filled with joy when a child completes their trauma narrative signifying, they are ready to graduate from therapy. Each time a child shows up to session, willing to do the work of therapy, we are reminded of the resilience and strength children possess.

So, what is a day like for a therapist/counselor at Mosaic Georgia?

We rarely have two days that look the same in a given week at Mosaic Georgia. Our therapists manage a caseload of individual clients and schedule weekly sessions with each of them. We also facilitate various support groups during the week for non-offending caregivers and adult survivors of sexual trauma.

We participate once a month in multi-disciplinary team (MDT) meetings which allow us to interact with our partner agencies to ensure the clients we serve are receiving the assistance they need. Child Advocacy Centers work within a multi-disciplinary team of law enforcement, child protection agencies, district attorney’s offices, and other organizations involved in cases where child maltreatment has been disclosed. Multidisciplinary teams are integral for trauma-informed responses to children and their families. One way the MDT serves children and their families is that the intergroup communication prevents a child from having to tell their story multiple times to each agency involved in the response.

Our team of therapists/counselors also provide crisis counseling intervention when a child or adult comes to the center and needs immediate mental health support. Between sessions with clients, leading support groups, and meeting with the rest of the Mosaic Georgia staff and partner organizations, our team is busy building treatment plans for clients, attending trainings to increase awareness of best practices, and building resources for clients and the community.

Did you know that there are 47 Child Advocacy Centers in Georgia?

Throughout the United States there are Children’s Advocacy Centers providing critical services to children and families after outcries of abuse. If you know someone pursuing a career in the mental health field, I encourage you to share with them and make sure they are aware of the opportunity to provide therapy/counseling to children at a Child Advocacy Center.

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Mosaic Georgia Support Groups: Healing Through Community

by brian in HEALTH, Support & Healing

Mosaic Georgia Support Groups: Healing Through Community

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

Interpersonal violence, including sexual assault, often decimates a person’s ability to trust others. The violation of personal boundaries and trauma associated with sexual assault often leaves survivors questioning whether another person will hurt them the same way. One may even question their own ability to discern who is trustworthy and who is not. In the aftermath of interpersonal violence, individuals may feel more isolated than ever before.

At Mosaic Georgia, we value the role community plays in healing from trauma. To demonstrate this value, we offer multiple opportunities for survivors to connect with others who have experienced similar harms. Joining a support group or beginning group therapy is intimidating for many. In this article, we will strive to provide a better understanding of what one can expect from the different groups offered at Mosaic Georgia.

Support Group or Group Therapy- What’s the Difference?

Mosaic Georgia offers both peer-led support groups and clinician led group therapy. The goal of a support group is to enhance interpersonal relationships and to connect with others who have experienced similar harms. Participants will learn from one another with lived experiences. Support groups may follow a curriculum or a script so that participants experience consistency in the format of the session. At Mosaic Georgia, group therapy sessions are led by a licensed mental health professional. They typically follow a therapy model that may be focused on psychoeducation (teaching) or processing (experiencing). Our psychoeducational groups have focused on skill-building to help survivors cope with the distressing symptoms they may experience after trauma. Our process groups provide a space where participants can identify and discuss the present moment impacts of the trauma.

Open Group or Closed Group- What’s Right for Me?

Whether a group is open or closed informs when and how a participant can join the group. Open groups, like our Finding Hope Support Groups, allow individuals to join at any time during the year. A participant does not have to commit to attending a certain number of sessions to be accepted to the group. This type of group is perfect for someone who wants to participate as they are able, build relationships with other survivors, and have a safe space to learn coping skills and identify how to heal from trauma.

Closed groups often meet for a limited number of sessions, and participants must be approved to participate. Our clinician-led groups are closed groups, meaning one has to be accepted by the facilitator before attending. Then facilitator will assess the individual’s needs ahead of time and determine if that group would be an effective mode of therapy for them.

It’s Normal to Feel Anxious About Attending Group Therapy

Whether you choose to join a support group or clinician led group, it is normal to feel anxious about attending. At Mosaic Georgia, we recognize the bravery and courage it takes to attend a group session. We are happy to answer any questions you have about the different groups and can help you decide what the best option for you might be. Below you will find a list of groups that will be offered in 2024 at Mosaic Georgia.

Finding Hope Support Groups

This is an open peer-led support group for adult female survivors of childhood sexual abuse. We have sessions offered in English and Spanish. This group meets twice per month. Read more about Finding Hope and view the upcoming dates, or register for this support group.

Non-Offending Caregiver Support Group

This group is designed for non-offending parents/caregivers of children who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. This is a closed group that is offered at least twice per year in both English and Spanish.

Mosaic Empowerment Group

This is a closed, clinician-led psychoeducational group for adult female survivors of sexual assault or childhood sexual abuse. This group is offered at least twice per year.

Mosaic Trauma Processing Group

This is a closed, clinical-led process group for adult female survivors of sexual assault or childhood sexual abuse. This group is offered at least once per year.

Please inquire here about joining one of our closed groups.

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