866-900-6019
CRISIS LINE

Category Uncategorized

Top Five “Words of Wisdom” From Advocate and Survivor Kevin McNeil

by Susan Nerenbaum in HEALTH, Uncategorized

Top Five “Words of Wisdom” From Advocate and Survivor Kevin McNeil 

Compiled by Amanda Makrogianis Mickelsen
Marketing Project Manager and Copywriter

Societal norms dictate that men are supposed to ‘be strong’ and not show much emotion outside of anger. This June, during Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, we are challenging that norm and showing love and support to our male-identifying fathers, brothers, nephews, cousins, and friends who may be hurting and in need of healing.  

In honor of men’s health and wellbeing, we share the inspiring story of Kevin McNeil. A survivor of childhood sexual assault, Kevin journeyed from the depths of depression and addiction to a phenomenal rise as a renowned speaker, accomplished author, and dedicated survivor advocate. Maryam Jordan, the head of Mosaic Georgia’s Professional Education & Training Services sat down with Kevin last year to discuss his extraordinary journey. 

Watch Kevin's full interview

Outlined below are some thought-provoking takeaways from their talk:

“There’s a lot more men out there and young boys who have been assaulted sexually. But they’re not coming forward because we haven’t created the space–we haven’t created the space for them to be honest and to be truthful. They don’t know what to do with that emotion [anger] so they display it in ways that may be destructive. 

What I would say is….Search. Find. Support is out there. Go online and find somebody. Tell your story. 
 
Because what I found is when you have a conversation with a concerned listener then that pain can be actually released in a good safe space. You don’t have to carry that around with you all the time. You can define yourself, you don’t have to be defined by what happened to you, or how other people perceive what happened to you.   

Once you educate yourself…that’s what saved me.”

Coping with Trauma Individually and Collectively 

In describing his own personal journey of coming to terms with the violent sexual assault in his past, Kevin shares how the mind copes with traumatic events in an effort to survive. 

“I became another person. I left that [abused] little boy on the bleachers. But I acted out a lot. This new person was very aggressive, very angry. However, because people around me weren’t informed about how trauma worked, I was judged a lot as a bad kid.”   

 

As a police officer, Kevin began to look at the different types of violence he was seeing daily and started to look for answers and identify patterns.  

“I had a question for myself – why is there so much violence? I became a detective and I started seeing the origins of violence come from traumatized children.”

Everybody was talking about trauma in the classrooms and courtrooms but no one was talking about it in their living rooms.”  

Kevin goes on to discuss the importance of trauma-informed education–for parents, teachers, caretakers, coaches, law enforcement–anyone who is providing guidance to our children. A much greater understanding is necessary around trauma and how it is masked through various behaviors. 

Recognizing this need shaped Kevin, and eventually drove him to motivate and transform others as founder and CEO of The Twelve Project, This vital nonprofit provides a safe haven for families and children, and provides crucial resources and education on abuse and the effects of trauma.  

As a former Special Victim’s detective, Kevin educates first responders on how trauma affects individuals and victims. He also advocates for legislation and would like to see mandatory training for organizations and individuals who work with children, like daycare centers and churches.   

“Education is a big part of my healing journey”.

Shifting Away from Trauma as the Enemy  

The word trauma has a negative connotation; to most it represents sentiments of something daunting, tragic, or unnerving that happened in the past. Yet Kevin’s unique perspective offers us a reimagined image of the role trauma plays in a person’s sense of self, their mindset, and individual path to healing.   

“I often tell people that trauma is not a bad thing, it’s a natural response to a bad thing happening to you… 

Trauma gets a bad name but it’s the body’s way of responding to an unnatural event. It becomes very key and very important for us to understand trauma is more something to learn from than it is to get rid of….It’s something that actually holds the wisdom of why you are the way you are today, and how you think and process the world around you. And so that’s what being trauma informed means. Not just knowing what trauma is but knowing how it affects not only the person but their relationships going forward.” 

The Brain Knows Best

What if we thought of the brain not as a thought-producing, system-regulating organ that resides within our head, but as a protector—a keeper of sorts, presiding over our survival and wellbeing.  

“I always tell people your brain is smarter than you. The brain knew that as a little boy I couldn’t handle all that stress so it blocked it out for me. But it didn’t prevent the symptoms from occurring as an adult. It’s very important for people to know that trauma victims respond differently to trauma. And some of the things they respond to, or triggers, may not be what society says is constructive or positive. Often times people tell trauma victims to stop behavior without understanding why the behavior exists in the first place. To you it may be a bad, disruptive behavior but for them it could be a coping mechanism. It could be something that they’ve used all their life to survive, and they know no other way to interact with the world and with people in the world.”

Watch as Kevin further discusses how his brain used dissociation as a survival mechanism. 

Ending the Blame Game 

Victim blaming is a part of our culture and many people do not recognize they are participating in and perpetuating it. Kevin reminds us to take note of our thoughts and our words if we are ever dealing with a friend or family member who is disclosing abuse.  

“When it comes to victims they are actually their worst critic …when people victim-blame and question…why didn’t you tell, why didn’t you fight…Victims have already struggled with those questions and when someone who doesn’t understand trauma comes back at them with those same questions that’s where that shame comes from…now they really feel bad…because I felt bad for being a victim but now because you’ve asked me these questions I feel bad because I didn’t do those things that you said I should have done.”

For those who feel called to know more and to advocate, Mosaic Georgia’s Executive Director Marina Sampanes Peed recently explored the topic of victim blaming and its harms; she offers sound advice on how to be an ally to someone who discloses abuse. 

From Survival to Transformation 

“You can’t love what you judge.” 

One of the most awe-inspiring aspects of Kevin’s story is the personal awakening he experienced that eventually led him to seek healing. Throughout his childhood years to early adulthood, he gravitated to the safety of group dynamics–football teams, the military, and later the police force, to help feel a sense of relevance and validation. “Performance became my method of existing in the world. I tried to perform my way into acceptance which a lot of trauma victims try to do”. Kevin numbed the pain with alcohol and by becoming a workaholic; his relationships suffered.   

“I separated from my body, I saw my body and myself as two different entities. So my body became a tool that I used to get acceptance, whether that was through sports–some people do it through sex, some people medicate to make their bodies numb because they don’t like being themselves.”

One fateful day while working as a Special Victim’s detective, Kevin interviewed a young boy at a Child Advocacy Center who had been sexually abused by his uncle. After receiving compassionate and caring support, Kevin saw the young boy “come back to life” in front of his eyes. A deeply engrained but buried need to address his own past rose to the surface that day. “But deep down inside I was crying and hurting; the little boy inside of me came back alive as well…That’s when I knew I needed help. It was because of that interview that I went to get therapy.” 

Kevin began to face the trauma from his past and delve into the prickly work of healing. “I had to learn to wrap my arms around that little boy. I had to learn to love him. Because I left him. I left him to survive. And that worked for me for a while.” But he recognized that it was finally time to heal. And heal he did. It is an ongoing process, but Kevin has gained an incredible amount of knowledge and wisdom along the way. He now generously shares it all with victims, families, and first responders and is helping to create an environment where children (like him as a young boy) can get the trauma-informed support that they so desperately need.  

He is including men and boys in the conversation and helping to normalize the notion that people of all genders and gender identities should have the right to tell their stories, voice their pain, and heal their past trauma.  

We invite you to listen to the full, captivating personal story that took Kevin from a place of suffering to a life of vitality.

 

Mosaic Georgia is a Sexual Assault and Children’s Advocacy Center that provides crisis intervention and support services for victims of sexual abuse, assault and trafficking. Services include forensic medical exams, advocacy, forensic interviews, legal aid, counseling, education & training, and healing-oriented wellness programs. In Gwinnett County, clients come to the safe and private setting of Mosaic Georgia instead of the emergency room.

Our mission is to take action and guide change for the safety, health & justice of children and adults impacted by sexual violence.

Read More

Making Room for Grief After Trauma

by Susan Nerenbaum in HEALTH, Uncategorized

Making Room for Grief After Trauma

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

One of the often-overlooked responses following a trauma like child sexual abuse or sexual assault is the pervasive grief. For many survivors of sexual violence, their life looks different after an outcry or disclosure of their experiences. It is vital in our care for survivors and their families, that we make room for grief and provide a safe space where the losses are acknowledged. 

When a child discloses childhood sexual abuse, that outcry is not usually accompanied by an understanding of what will happen after they tell someone. Many times, children are only questioning if the perpetrator will follow through on their threat of what would happen if they did tell. If I had known what losses I would endure in the aftermath of my disclosure at 13 years old, I’m not sure I would have had the same courage to tell. Not only are there personal losses, but media has revealed how negligently disclosures are handled.  

Disclosures are costly, but they are worth it. The response to a disclosure is very important as it makes a significant difference in the experience of the survivor.  

What are the losses a survivor may need space to grieve?
 

Relationships

RAINN estimates that 93% of juvenile victims of sexual violence know their perpetrator.1 Many perpetrators do not act “all bad” within the family unit. In fact, they are often loved and trusted by family members. Following many disclosures in which law enforcement and child protective services become involved, the perpetrator and other family members are separated. In my family, my mom, siblings, and I moved from the home we shared with my abuser into a bedroom at our grandparents’ home. Despite the horrific crimes my abuser committed, he had been a constant in our lives for over seven years. My siblings and I loved our cousins/aunts/uncles/grandma on that side of the family. In what seemed like an instant, those relationships were irreparably damaged. While the relational loss to my abuser was absolutely necessary and what we needed, its rationality did not squelch the pain of losing family.
 

Environment 

In situations where the offender is a member of the household, the victim and their non-offending family member may not be able to return to the place they once called home. On November 10, 2004, my siblings and I went to school in the morning, and we never returned to the place we had called home with our stepdad for years. We moved away from a very rural area with plenty of land to run around on and pets, including a potbelly pig. We moved into a bedroom in our grandparents’ home in a neighborhood and were unable to bring them with us. We never saw our pets again after we went to school that morning. We were incredibly grateful to remain together and live in a home full of love; however, it was a major adjustment for us during a very stressful time.
 

Financial 

Financial losses occur when the perpetrator is a contributor to the household’s income. Not only might families experience the loss of an income, but they also incur new expenses including mental health treatment, absenteeism from work due to appointments, housing expenses for relocation, and civil court expenses in addition to others. Families may no longer be able to engage in previously normal leisure activities like eating at a restaurant or going to the movies. The increased financial burden creates additional stress and leaves families grieving the life they once had.
 

How Mosaic Georgia Helps 

At Mosaic Georgia we recognize the long-lasting impacts of sexualized violence and strive to provide meaningful support by acknowledging the losses and alleviating some of the burdens. When any person walks through the doors at Mosaic, we seek to build safety and trust, and to be a positive force in that person’s life. We provide opportunities for survivors to build their support system with others in the community through our Wholeness Collective offerings. While we are not able to reclaim homes, we purposefully create warm environments in our offices that we hope promote safety and comfort. To alleviate the financial burden our clients face, we provide free supportive services including advocacy, counseling/therapy, and legal services.  

Grief after trauma encompasses much more than the loss of relationships and people in our lives. It is vital that anyone who works with trauma survivors creates a space for grief as part of the healing process. 

My abuser was someone I loved, trusted, and wanted to know and be known by. He was someone I saw every single day. My family accepted him and welcomed him.

If you’ve followed my blog or read previous posts, you know the excitement I expressed for the popular television show, Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. I literally could not wait for the show to air in 1999. We only had antennas and two televisions in the trailer where I could watch the show. One television was in the living room but that is where my siblings often did their homework in the evening. The other television was in my mom and stepdad’s bedroom. When my stepdad invited me to watch the show, it seemed like the best of both worlds. Time with the person I trusted and loved AND I got to watch what I believed would be the best show ever.

It seems strange to label sexual abuse as gentle, but from a physical perspective, it was, in the beginning. I didn’t leave the room that first night in any kind of pain. But emotionally, I was filled with ambivalence.

I LOVED the show, Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

I ENJOYED getting the undivided attention of my stepdad.

I TRUSTED my stepdad would never do anything to harm me.

I was DISGUSTED by the evidence of the abuse on me.

I was CONFUSED by the passive threat he made before I left the room.

I FEARED someone would find out about our new secret.

At eight years old, these were strong, complex emotions that totally overwhelmed my system. I could not assess what was true, right, or healthy. As a result of the ambivalence, I had to rest on my default belief which was based on a general trust of people older than me. I needed those people to survive. If I could not trust them, how would I make it in the world?

Kids should be able to long for and love quality time with a parent. It is normal and healthy for a child to desire those things. My need for that perception of love was normal. I chose what was normal over and over- quality time with my stepdad and getting to watch my favorite show. Though it came with other hard feelings, the desire for love and acceptance won, over and over again.
So, ambivalence kept me quiet for a long time. And it keeps a lot of kids quiet.

When you hear a child disclose abuse, please know they have likely fought through the power of ambivalence. It is an incredible step of courage and bravery to go against the defaults to tell their story. Please accept that the ambivalence will not disappear overnight. Healing takes time.

Kendall Wolz heads up the Mental Health and Wellness team that provides individual, family, and group therapy to those seeking care at Mosaic Georgia. As a survivor herself, she has a unique insight into the challenges of living with past trauma, how it impacts lives daily, and what the process of healing truly looks like. Her personal website, Brave Girl, Speak unpacks some of the complex issues that come along with being a survivor of sexual violence. Visit Kendall’s site to read more about her personal journey healing from trauma and peeling the layers to reclaim her true self.

Read More

Someone’s Gotta Say it- Insights from 30 Years at the Forefront of Medical Care for Victims of Sexual Harms

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Someone’s Gotta Say It

 

Insights from 30 Years at the Forefront of Medical Care for Victims of Sexual Harms

 

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

We are thrilled to celebrate a significant milestone at Mosaic Georgia – 30 years of providing exceptional medical care for victims of sexual harms. Since July 1993, we have been at the forefront of delivering trauma-informed forensic medical services, setting a new standard of care in Georgia. As we reflect on our journey, we want to share some valuable insights and observations with you. 

Our mission began when the Gwinnett Rape Crisis Center was founded by a dedicated hospital volunteer named Ann Smiley. Our volunteer advocates would respond to calls from the hospital to provide support to survivors who disclosed sexual assault. However, we realized that there were opportunities to improve the process. By shifting the response away from hospitals and establishing a center focused on advocacy support and medical forensic care, we could ensure quicker, more private care for survivors while enabling law enforcement to investigate promptly. 

Our specially-trained Sexual Assault Nurse/Forensic Examiners (SANEs) have conducted over 6,000 sexual assault exams, catering to patients of all ages and genders. By offering specialized care, including prevention of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy resulting from rape, we ensure that every survivor has access to the support they need. Witnessing the relief in survivors’ eyes when they realize they won’t have to worry about these additional costs is truly heartwarming. 

This community-based approach benefits everyone involved. All our services are provided at no charge to the victims or local law enforcement. We believe that access to quality care should never be hindered by financial constraints. However, we face sustainability challenges as crime victim services funding decreases while the costs of delivering 24/7 response increase. The work we do at Mosaic Georgia sits at the intersection of public safety, healthcare, and addressing the long-term harms caused by sexual violence. 

Looking at the larger picture, we see our work is far from done. Despite the #metoo movement and numerous media reports of high-profile cases, fewer victims are coming forward to report these crimes to the police (2021 estimate is only 25% of sexual assaults for people age 12 and older are reported to police). Myths and misunderstandings surrounding sexual violence persist. Our culture is inundated with sexualized images of girls and women and harmful definitions of masculinity. Additionally, instances of child sexual abuse, incest, and commercial sexual exploitation of children and youth are on the rise. 

The expansion of high-speed internet and the world wide web has facilitated predators in exploiting vulnerable individuals. Arrests and prosecution of perpetrators also remain lower compared to other violent crimes. It is clear that there is still much work to be done to address these pressing issues. 

At Mosaic Georgia, we are committed to making a difference through education and training. Our SANE Success Institute offers comprehensive programs that equip Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANEs) with the knowledge, clinical skills, and court testimony preparation they need. In response to the pandemic, we launched PRO/SANE, an online peer review platform that allows SANEs to learn from one another and discuss unique situations they encounter in their practice. Through these initiatives, we foster shared learning, skill development, and a supportive community of professionals across Georgia. 

Combating sexual harms requires a collective effort from our community. It is crucial that we support survivors, hold perpetrators accountable, and ensure that consent and boundaries are understood by all. Together, let us break the silence and create a world where every individual is safe, respected, and free from the devastating impacts of sexual violence. 

Thank you for being a part of the Mosaic Georgia community. Your support and involvement are instrumental in our continued efforts to make a lasting difference. 

Read More

Secrets vs. Surprises: The Danger of Secrets

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Secrets vs. Surprises: The Danger of Secrets

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager

“Don’t tell  ______. It’s a secret.” 

“I’ll only tell you if you can keep it a secret.” 

“This is our little secret, you better not tell anyone- or else.” 

Secrets are dangerous. Secrets are heavy. Secrets hurt. 

Most of us grew up with secrets. I definitely remember keeping secrets with my friends and siblings in early elementary school and even throughout middle and high school. Whether it was a secret about kissing a boy on the playground or about my plans for my next trick to play on my siblings, my secrets seemed fairly innocent and inconsequential. It was not until I was threatened with serious harm or death that I found myself inside the prison secrets create. 

“This is our little secret, you better not tell anyone- or else.” -My Abuser 

 

When my abuser sternly uttered those words after we watched the first episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in August 1999, I knew exactly what he meant when he told me this was our secret. I also knew what he was implying when he said “or else.” I was consumed with making sure I kept this secret. I worked hard at making everything look normal. I did not say things that would cause one to question me about my secret. In health class, I did not dare make eye contact with the teacher when we talked about the chapter in our textbook on abuse. 

Take a moment and think about a secret you have been holding? 

A secret about something in your life or in someone else’s life. 

What is the weight of holding that secret? 

At a young age, many of us learn that secrets are things you do not break. If you tell a secret, someone gets mad at you or someone gets in trouble. Secrets are meant to be unspoken. 

My secret placed me in a prison that was filled with pain, isolation, loneliness, worry, fear, and immense hopelessness. Breaking that secret only occurred when I was more afraid of keeping the secret than sharing it with another person. Breaking the secret is the only way I escaped the prison my abuser built. 

I wholeheartedly believe that we should live a life without secrets. But, how is this possible when secrets are normalized and it seems to be a routine part of growing up? 

A while back, I came across an incredible graphic from The Mama Bear Effect  which distinguishes between secrets and surprises. It is included at the end of this post; however, I would like to add another category to consider. Privacy. 

So, what does this mean for us and more importantly, what does this mean for the children in our lives?
 

Let’s look at secrets first. 

Secrets  are tactics abusers regularly employ to ensure a child will not disclose their criminal acts to someone else. Often, a threat is included with the instruction to keep a secret. In general, secrets are rarely positive, healthy, or encouraging. Research has identified 38 types of secrets that people tend to keep, ten of which are referenced in this Psychology Today article. As you can see from the list, many are painful. Most secrets are intended to be kept forever. We do not say, “okay, I’m going to keep this secret for two weeks.” Breaking a secret can feel dangerous and very frightening. There are major consequences for telling a secret. If the secret is ever revealed, it involves as few people possible. 

Surprises  are those things that we do not want someone to find out about, yet. We throw surprise parties and purchase gifts that will be the ultimate surprise. Surprises are usually positive and exciting. We may tell someone to keep a certain gift a secret from someone, but what we really mean is that we want them to keep it a surprise. Surprises are temporary and time limited. When we share the surprise, we typically invite multiple people to participate. We do have to exercise some caution with surprises because abusers may provide a child with a surprise (a gift or special time together) and then instruct that the “surprise” must be kept a secret from their family and friends. While it may seem strange to say “let’s keep this a surprise” because we are accustomed to using the word secret, it is something we should challenge ourselves to implement.  

 The next time you and the kids make or purchase a birthday present for someone, let’s teach the kids that we are making a surprise and when that person’s birthday arrives, that is when we can tell/show the person the surprise we made. 

Private  things or privacy is fluid. When we were children, we had very little privacy. Someone put us in bed, someone helped us in the bathroom, and someone helped us get dressed. As we got older, our privacy increased. We began shutting the door when we used the bathroom. We were able to talk on the telephone without a parent being in the room. We could use the computer on our own. We begin to learn what conversations are appropriate for which environments. Privacy for children and teens is a privilege. Parents increase and decrease the amount of privacy allowed in order to balance freedom and independence with safety and discipline. Privacy includes who is allowed into our houses and our bedrooms. Clothing keeps some of our body parts private, exercising modesty. Privacy will look different in each family. 

Let’s empower our children by making a “No Secrets” rule in our families. Take away a tactic abusers use to control their victims and give that power to the children. Lift that burden of secrecy from a child’s arms so they do not grow weary and more frightened. 

Let’s challenge ourselves to use the appropriate terminology. Am I asking someone to keep a secret or a surprise? Is this something that should stay private, or can it be publicized? 

Most importantly, have regular, intentional, honest conversations about abuse with your child, encouraging them to always tell an adult when someone asks them to keep a secret.  

For more information, I encourage you to check out the Mama Bear Effect for more resources. 

Read More

The Link Between “The Talk” and Kid’s Safety: Discussing Sex and Bodily Autonomy with Our Children

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

The Link Between “The Talk” and Kid’s Safety: Discussing Sex and Bodily Autonomy with Our Children

Kendall Circle Headshot

By Kendall Wolz
Mental Health and Wellness Manager at Mosaic Georgia

If I were to sit down with a random group of adults and ask the question, “What happened when you had THE TALK” with your parents or caregivers, many in the group would likely recoil and cringe with discomfort. Most of us probably have stories filled with awkwardness, distress, and anxiety. Parents likely had a similar reaction when they had the talk with their own children. On one hand, sexualized material infiltrates many aspects of our everyday lives with television shows, movies, advertisements, etc. On the other hand, the topic of sex is still taboo for many to talk about comfortably.  

It is vital that parents and caregivers begin talking to their children about their bodies and sex early and in an age-appropriate manner.  

Equipping children with accurate, scientific information about their bodies empowers them to respond appropriately to situations that may be harmful.  

How the Danger Shows Up

There is a story about a child attempting to tell her teacher she was being abused at home. The child had been taught that her vulva was called a cookie. She arrived at school one day and told her teacher that her grandfather had licked her cookie. The teacher readily replied, ‘you should go get another cookie when that happens’. No one knew this child was attempting to tell the teacher that her grandfather had licked her vulva. As a result, the abuse continued until the child could disclose, with more accuracy, the abuse she had experienced. This is an excellent example of the dangers of teaching children incorrect names for their body parts. 
 

From the ages of 8-13, I did not have the language to describe the abuse I endured. I did not know the boundaries of my body extended also to the father figure in my life – not just strangers, classmates, and non-family members. I was not familiar with what constituted abuse. I did not know that there was something I needed to keep telling until I was believed.

I did not know it was wrong.

It is imperative that we provide kids with adequate information so that they can recognize abusive behaviors. 
 

Being Okay with the Discomfort

Toddlers are naturally curious about the differences in physical bodies. And this may cause some uncomfortable conversations at the dinner table. It’s important to remember that toddlers do not feel shame about their bodies until adults in their life unknowingly respond in ways that create embarrassment or guilt.  

Below are some helpful tips and resources to help empower children with an understanding of their bodies.
 

Stay Calm and Neutral  

When my brother was a toddler, he was notorious for pulling his pants down and peeing outside. This is common with young children, and it is understandable that it might ‘freak parents out’, especially if company is over. A parent may respond by frantically telling the child to pull their pants up and to refrain from doing that again while friends are over. The child may be anxiously instructed to only pee in the bathroom with the door shut. While the information being conveyed is necessary and reasonable, the way it is communicated may unknowingly prompt shame, embarrassment and insecurity within the child. A healthy response would be to calmly approach the child and matter-of-factly state that when friends are over, we only pee in the bathroom. This mild, neutral tone does not create a sense of alarm. When a child feels alarm, they have difficulty listening to what we say and are more likely to only absorb the anxious energy put out by the parent. 

 

Eyes, Nose, Elbow, Arm, Penis, Vagina: They Are All Body Parts 

“Every single part of our body has an important job. All parts of our body are good. There are some parts of our body that we keep private.” This should be the focus of our conversations with children. As they grow and ask questions, our answers about the jobs of different body parts will expand and have more depth. We might even have to break out Google when a child asks about the job of the appendix. We can teach kids factually about their bodies. We do not need to assign a label of good or bad; however, we may assign a category of private.
 

Privacy 

It is important that we do teach children about privacy. When we are in public places, at a friend’s house, or even in places like the living room and kitchen, certain parts of the body should be covered. Many people explain private parts by what is covered by a swimsuit; for others, private parts may be extended. You will often have to remind children of what is private, but that should not be done in a shameful tone. It can simply be a reminder. 
 

A Helping Hand  

It’s a complex topic and the layers run deep especially because our children’s safety is at the forefront. Fortunately, there are many resources that can help us along.

Here are some excellent tips for having healthy conversations with children about sex.  

Lots of helpful advice can be found on the Birds & Bees Instagram account.

 

Kendall Wolz heads up the Mental Health and Wellness team that provides individual, family, and group therapy to those seeking care at Mosaic Georgia. As a survivor herself, she has a unique insight into the challenges of living with past trauma, how it impacts lives daily, and what the process of healing truly looks like. Her personal website, Brave Girl, Speak unpacks some of the complex issues that come along with being a survivor of sexual violence. Visit Kendall’s site to read more about her personal journey healing from trauma and peeling the layers to reclaim her true self.

Read More

Someone’s Gotta Say it- Surviving Sexual Assault in the LGBTQ+ Community: Mosaic Georgia Extends a Warm Welcome, Support and Care

by Susan Nerenbaum in Uncategorized

Someone’s Gotta Say It

Surviving Sexual Assault in the LGBTQ+ Community: Mosaic Georgia Extends a Warm Welcome, Support and Care

By Marina Sampanes Peed
Executive Director of Mosaic Georgia

June 2023

We know that sexual violence is as old as mankind. The expression of power and control over someone the perpetrator regards as their possession or less than fully human is universal. Rape is a tool of war – done to girls and women to insult the men in their group. People commit sexual assaults among all communities, irrespective of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or identity. The rapists use many means — force, fraud, coercion, and drugs/alcohol to complete their assaults.   

 Homophobia has existed for a long time. Today, only 7.2% of adults self-identify as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, or something other than heterosexual. This month we’ll explore why LGBTQ+ people experience sexual violence at higher rates than the heterosexual, cis-gender populations.   

 

Prevalence of Sexual Harassment & Assault within the LGBTQ+ Community

 

Sexualized violence is almost expected among many LGBTQ+ individuals. According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking, while 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men experience sexual violence during their lifetime. Transgender individuals also face higher rates, with half (50%) experiencing sexual assault at least once in their lives. Public and private harassment and threats are everyday occurrences for many.  

LGBTQ+ individuals face a higher risk of sexual violence due to a combination of societal factors, systemic discrimination, and specific vulnerabilities within the community.  

  • Stigma and Discrimination: LGBTQ+ individuals often experience stigma, discrimination, and prejudice based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. This marginalization can create an environment where perpetrators feel empowered to target and victimize LGBTQ+ individuals.
     
  • Hate Crimes: Hate-motivated violence is a significant concern for the LGBTQ+ community. Hate crimes can involve sexual violence, and individuals within this community are often targeted based on their perceived or openly expressed sexual orientation or gender identity. Most of the perpetrators of rape and sodomy are heterosexual males. 
     
  • Lack of Legal Protections: In many regions, legal protections for LGBTQ+ individuals are limited or absent, leaving them more vulnerable to sexual violence. The absence of comprehensive legal frameworks and protections can deter survivors from reporting incidents or seeking justice.
     
  • Increased Risk Factors: Some LGBTQ+ individuals may face additional risk factors that contribute to their vulnerability. For example, transgender individuals may experience higher rates of sexual violence due to transphobia and discrimination.
     

A Safe Resource for LGBTQ+ Survivors

 

Mosaic Georgia provides comprehensive support to survivors, including confidential advocacy support and medical forensic exams, commonly known as “sexual assault kits.”  Our center offers these medical forensic exams in a private and confidential setting. There are no fees associated with our services, ensuring that survivors receive the care they need without financial burden. 

These exams are available to all adults within 120 hours of the assault, regardless of their intention to report to law enforcement immediately. At Mosaic Georgia, we understand that survivors may have various reasons for not wanting to involve law enforcement right away, and we respect their choices. 

If you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual assault and in need of support, please remember that Mosaic Georgia is here for you. Our services are confidential, compassionate, and free of charge. Reach out to us at 866-900-6019.  

 

Read More
Teal Ribbon

Why Awareness Matters

by brian in Uncategorized

Why Awareness Matters

 

“I’ve learned throughout the years that no one wants to talk about what I do for a living. Getting folks energized about sexual violence prevention is not easy.”

By: Sara Cherry, Advocacy Manager

In my time as an Advocate for the past 5 years, Sexual Assault Awareness Month has been vastly different every year. I have experienced Aprils chock-full of every kind of event regarding sexual violence, and I have experienced Aprils where a few digital informational flyers and a Zoom presentation were the best I could hope for in terms of spreading awareness.

I began my career in the wake of the #MeToo Movement. People were tuned into the conversation. They were listening, learning. They were hearing what survivors and Advocates have always been saying: that sexual assault is a public health crisis. College campuses were eager to work with their local Sexual Assault Centers to implement sexual assault prevention & education programming, utilize Advocacy services for survivors, and draw from the knowledge of the experts in the field in order to make their communities safer.

As time passed, conversations pivoted away from sexual violence and the spotlight shifted. The global pandemic we’ve all been living through for the past two years is no small player here; our attention was held captive by another pressing health crisis. While #MeToo isn’t making nearly as many headlines as it was a few years ago, the impact it has made is worth noting. First of all, the conversation was finally being had. That’s no small feat when considering the topic!

I’ve learned throughout the years that no one wants to talk about what I do for a living. Getting folks energized about sexual violence prevention is not easy.

Additionally, measures were put in place in classrooms, workplaces, and maybe even in some unwritten cultural rulebooks about standing up to and preventing this type of violence. As a society, I believe we tolerate sexual assault a little less, we know our rights a little more, and those that experience this type of violence know that they are not alone. There will always be places like Mosaic Georgia that exist to help survivors through their experiences, and so long as we do we will do our part during Sexual Assault Awareness Month to educate and hopefully prevent future violence.

Read More

People Helping People: A Daily Dose of Courage

by brian in Uncategorized

People Helping People: A Daily Dose of Courage

 

Courage: the ability to undertake an overwhelming difficulty or pain despite the unavoidable presence of fear.

What’s a kid to do? We tell children to speak up for themselves and we want them to be quiet and respectful. Each family has its own norms and unspoken expectations. Regardless, it takes courage for a child to speak out when someone abuses her and threatens harm if she tells anyone. How should the community respond?

Courage meets compassion

The Gwinnett community has a multi-disciplinary team that operates with the Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC) model. Designed to be welcoming and convenient, all the steps after reporting take place in one private location, Mosaic Georgia: forensic interview, forensic medical assessment, and supportive services. Law enforcement and other necessary agencies go to Mosaic Georgia to collaborate on the investigation and issues resulting from the abuse/assault.

There are no fees, no co-pays, and no hospital waits. Our goal is to reduce trauma and stress through the reporting and investigative process and offer advocacy support during and after.

Building courage

People often ask, How can people get away with this? Coercion and silence are the primary tools used by people who physically and sexually abuse. Abusers know what is important to their victims and use that information to garner compliance. Abusers often diminish their victim in the eyes of others with comments about them being sneaky, lying, promiscuous, or attention-seeking to discredit her or him in the event the code of silence is broken. Many victims finally find their voice to protect others. “When I saw him with my little sister, I couldn’t stay silent…”

A family matter

Child abusers are opportunistic, choosing victims they can easily access and manipulate. The harm is compounded when the abuser is a family member, close friend, fellow student, or trusted teen or adult. The relationships are complex and intertwined. Feelings of genuine love or respect are conflicted with the confusion, pain, and shame the abusive behavior conjures. The weight of silence can lead to many forms of self-destructive behavior.

“I don’t want him to go to jail. I just want him to stop…”

You may assume that family members will form a protective shield around the person who gives voice to the abuse. Yet a common response is frustration, even anger toward the victim. Competing interests cause more damage to everyone. He may be the family breadwinner or have some social standing at work, church, school, or the ball field.

Private and public courage

What is not spoken is not acknowledged (don’t ask, don’t tell) and is allowed to continue. That lack of courage hurts everyone involved. It also explains why so many victims who report abuse later recant. The pressure to maintain the family’s status quo is too great for courage to sustain.

Ask any student in middle or high school and they can tell you about a video or snapchat that went viral. And find out how the victim was trolled and threatened as a result. The discourse focuses on the recipient of the assault, not on the behavior and decisions of the perpetrator. While some abusers feel shame after an assault, many do not believe they did anything wrong. “It just happened. She didn’t scream or anything.”

Our collective courage is challenged everyday. “I don’t want to get involved” for fear of backlash. That’s another way silence oppresses.

Courage + Support = Survivor

At Mosaic Georgia, we see courage every day in the people we serve. We help them put the pieces of their lives back together so their futures are brighter than yesterday. If this resonates, know that you are not alone.

We applaud your daily courage for living your life whether you have spoken your truth aloud. As Christopher Robin told Winnie the Pooh, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” We are here for you, too.

Read More

The Bigger Picture of Recovery: Working with CSEC Clients 

by miguelm in Uncategorized

The Bigger Picture of Recovery: Working with CSEC Clients 

 

Spring is in the air and Mosaic Georgia is ready! The weather is gradually warming up. COVID-19 vaccines are rolling out to our friends and neighbors. It feels like there’s FINALLY light at the end of the tunnel!  While we’re looking forward to “springing” into this new season, we are also eager to engage in more work with a very important group of youth we serve: CSEC clients. Back in October we had the privilege of joining CACGA (Child Advocacy Centers of Georgia) in providing human trafficking intervention services (1-866-ENDHTGA).  But what happens next? What exactly is involved in working with CSEC clients?

When we welcome CSEC victims, we are receiving referrals directly from CACGA or law enforcement. This means that these youth either have experienced or are at high risk of experiencing trafficking or exploitation. Mosaic Georgia’s CSEC response includes a lot of communication and coordination with the youth’s non-offending parent/caregiver, law enforcement, and other state agencies involved with the youth.

Upon arrival, youth are met by our CSEC response team who create a calm environment and get to know the youth and explain why they are at Mosaic Georgia and the next steps. An assessment process begins to better understand the youth’s life circumstances. Our CSEC assessment  may include gathering history, a forensic interview, a medical exam, and advocacy to determine if the commercial sexual exploitation has occurred.

Mosaic Georgia coordinates a Multi-Disciplinary Team (MDT) approach for each youth, based on their circumstances to ensure they don’t fall through the cracks. The MDT is comprised of government partners including law enforcement, and may include DFCS, juvenile court, Guardian Ad Litem, and Mosaic Georgia’s specialists in medical, counseling, legal, and advocacy. This collaborative approach improves law enforcement investigations of perpetrators, raises issues that may not otherwise be expressed, and maintains a focus on the best interests of the child/youth. The CSEC Advocate learns of plans in place or forthcoming resources from partners that inform the youth’s action plan.

After assessment and review by the MDT, the youth and their CSEC Advocate collaborate together on a plan of action, to improve their safety, reduce future risk and move forward from trauma. Plans may include basic life essentials, support for the parent/guardian, education supports, probation or juvenile court issues, mental health and life skills counseling. It’s important to remember that commercial sexual exploitation of a child is traumatic for both the client and their family. CSEC Advocates are dedicated to working with the client’s families as well and connecting them with tangible resources to support health and healing.

In 2020, we began working with eight youth who were sexually exploited for commercial purposes. Surviving trafficking is a long journey. There is no time frame to how long we work with CSEC clients.

Read More

Why are Sexual Assaults Under-Reported?

by miguelm in HEALTH, JUSTICE, SAFETY, Uncategorized

Why are Sexual Assaults Under-Reported?

 

Most people will call the police if someone breaks into their home or steals something from their vehicle. Yet this is not the first reaction of most people who experience sexual violations.
According to rainn.org, 770 out of 1,000 sexual assaults go unreported to the police. That means that only 23% of all sexual abuse/assaults may have a response from the justice system.   

So why is it that most people do NOT call the police after experiencing sexual assault? 

There are many reasons — both personal concerns and system failures.

95% of the suspected sexual abusers are part of the victim’s family or social circle:  friend, friend of friend/family, date, boyfriend, roommate, coworker, fellow student, acquaintance, or person of power (e.g., landlord, teacher, boss).  

With this prevalence, the most common reasons given for not reporting #WhyIDidn’tReport:

  • “I just want him to leave me alone and put this behind me”
  • “He and his friends/family will make my life a nightmare”
  • “He will deny it and no one will believe me”
  • “My parents will kill him if they find out”
  • “The cops will call it “drunk sex” and tell me not to ruin his life”
  • “I was drinking, but I didn’t want to have sex”
  • “He will fire me and my friend if I tell anyone”

Social stigma and shame:  Common reactions immediately after include shame for trusting (I should have known better), self-blame (we were drinking), denial (it’s not that bad, he didn’t mean to hurt me). They feel responsible for “causing trouble” if they report their experience.   

Family or Community pressure:  In many instances (particularly with children and teens), both people are connected by family or friendship. Reporting the abuse/assault will disrupt the family system and people will “choose sides.” 

Fear or distrust of law enforcement:  The response by law enforcement varies widely by jurisdiction and the officer’s training. Fear of deportation exists when the victim or a member of the household is “undocumented.”  Language barriers also deter reporting.  

If you or someone you know experienced sexual assault or abuse, call Mosaic Georgia at 866-900-6019. We will listen to you and help you sort out your options. All services are free and confidential.  You may choose to have a medical forensic exam at Mosaic Georgia without reporting to law enforcement. 

We want you to feel comfortable and ready if you choose to report. If you later decide to report the assault, the evidence collected can be available for testing. Whether or not you end up deciding to report, we are by your side every step of the way.

 

Read More