Author Susan Nerenbaum

“When you’re raped, there is shame, and it’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them”

Just before Christmas, verdicts were reached at the conclusion of the four-month trial of Dominique Pelicot and 50 other men charged with raping his wife over the course of almost a decade. This trial was watched and reported by news outlets around the globe. 

How did we, the curious public, come to learn so many details of the horrific sexual abuse of this mother and grandmother organized by her then-husband?  It’s possible because the victim waived her right to anonymity during the trial. In fact, Mme. Gisele Pelicot insisted the images and videos be seen by the court, and she attended every day. Courage is found in moments of profound vulnerability. For survivors of sexual violence, courage can mean finding the strength to speak about the unspeakable, especially when betrayal comes not from a stranger, but from someone they trusted.  

As Madame Pelicot explained:
“It’s true that I hear lots of women, and men, who say ‘you’re very brave.’ I say it’s not bravery, it’s will and determination to change society….I wanted all women victims of rape—not just when they have been drugged, rape exists at all levels—I want those women to say: Mrs. Pelicot did it, we can do it, too. When you’re raped, there is shame, and it’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them.”
 

Incidental Discovery 

How were the crimes discovered and reported?  It all came to light when Dominique Pelicot was arrested at a shopping center for covertly trying to take pictures up women’s skirts (called “upskirting”) in November 2020.  A store employee convinced the victim to tell the police (she was reluctant, but did report).  D. Pelicot’s phone was seized, and then upon finding evidence, his computer was secured. In that search, a library of over 20,000 images and hours of video documenting a drugged woman being raped were found. The images were filed in a hard drive with dates, perpetrators, and sex acts. D. Pelicot confessed immediately.  

For nearly a decade, Dominique Pelicot, posted online to attract men to their home to assault his wife while she slept, claiming it was a kink the couple enjoyed. He recruited assailants from an online forum “a son insu” (Without her Knowledge), where rape and sexual abuse were actively discussed and normalized by users. The police reports show how after initial contact was made, conversations then moved to Skype where D. Pelicot often shared pictures of his unconscious wife being raped. A number of the viewers expressed an interest in having their own partners violated in a similar manner. 

He secretly drugged his wife into unconsciousness and facilitated her rape by numerous men, filming around 200 rapes carried out between 2011 and 2020.  He had a system to prepare the men before entering the bedroom to reduce the likelihood she would have memory of scents or smells. She awoke every morning in her pajamas. 

Mme. Pelicot was unaware of the drugging and assaults; she was, however, experiencing pain, infections, hair loss, foggy brain and memory loss. She thought it might be Alzheimer’s or a brain tumor.  Her adult children and friends noticed that she was changing and encouraged her to get care. Her husband accompanied her to medical appointments.  

Over the last four years, prosecutors built their cases and prepared for trial. While 50 men were identified and brought to trial, an additional 21 men were on video committing rape, but their identities were not confirmed. In December 2024, Dominique Pelicot and 50 other men were convicted of various charges, receiving sentences ranging from three to twenty years. Dominique received the maximum sentence. 

What Kind of Man Believes This is Okay?  

The men seemed typical: Of the 51 men arrested, around half were married or in relationships at the time of their arrest, and two-thirds of them have children. Many were employed in working-class jobs. Some professed happy childhoods that would offer little explanation of why they chose to “have sex” with an unconscious woman. Around half disclosed abuse or trauma in childhood. The court investigators found that 11 of the men were likely sexually abused as children, or more than 20%. Fourteen have a history of violence, mostly against women (2 were already in prison when identified as suspects). Fourteen of the men struggled with addiction to alcohol or drugs, one of whom was living in a psychiatric hospital when the police came to arrest him. 

The defendants who denied the charges of rape claimed:  

• They didn’t realize she was unconscious (despite her snoring) and did not know they were raping her.  
• Her husband encouraged them to assault her, so he consented for her.  
• “When the husband is present, it isn’t rape”
   

One defendant told police: “I can tell you that at that moment very bad things happened in my brain… my brain reacted too late, and I didn’t react the way a man should react.”  He also said: “I put my conscience aside… I was thinking with my sexual organ instead of with my brain.”
 

What Kind of Society is Complicit? 

Attempts to understand how so many “regular guys” behave this way boggles the mind of someone with a conscience and empathy.  Sexual intercourse to another person’s body who is not actively and consensually participating is just wrong. It causes harm to the victim (and it could be argued that the perpetrator is harmed at a soul level).

The laws and adjudication process, presumed to protect the public (primarily women and girls) from such harms, are parsed by defense counsel, juries, and judges in ways that result in less than 3% of offenders held accountable.  The discomfort of cognitive dissonance is screaming ‘these things are bad’ and yet our practices and perceptions don’t protect.  Women are often not believed, and few cases are prosecuted. When tried and convicted, the penalties are often not commensurate to the harm caused. Some of the perpetrators in the Pelicot case received as little as three  years for such a grotesque violation of another human’s physical body and right to safety and autonomy.

Making true change demands that we – individually and collectively – decide to feel uncomfortable and truly consider: 

• What rights and autonomy should you have over your own body?
• What rights should you have over another’s body?
• What responsibilities should you have for your sexual behaviors?
• What should be the consequences of someone physically or sexually harming your body?
• Would Mme. Pelicot have been believed if she awoke during an assault and gave a hazy recollection of events (without the video)?
• In the judge’s mind, what factors contributed to the value they associated with the victim’s suffering, inevitably influencing many of the lighter sentences?
• Why don’t people want to acknowledge or talk about the occurrence of these harms?
• How can adults today model healthy behaviors and teach children about their bodies, human physical development, puberty, and sexual health?

The depths of betrayal and deceit exceed understanding. Think of how much of her life has been stolen:  The ten years of hidden abuse, the physical and mental ailments and psychological harms, four more years between the reveal and arrest to the trial, four months of courtroom trial activity, listening to the descriptions and watching the videos. The Pelicot adult children and their families are secondary victims, as this has turned their lives upside down.  

In a brief statement outside the courthouse after the verdicts, Madame Pelicot declared that she had “led the fight” for future generations. She wanted to stand strong for her children and grandchildren, so their last name is also a symbol of courage, explaining, “I’m thinking about all the other families affected by this case and the unrecognized victims in these stories that are often in the shadows—you share my struggle.” 

At Mosaic Georgia, we encounter quiet courage every day. Survivors come forward to share their stories, trusting us to believe, support, and help them rebuild their lives. While their cases rarely make headlines or go to trial, their courage is no less significant. And recovering and healing is a lifetime endeavor.  

Gisele Pelicot teaches us that survivors need more than courage—they deserve a community that supports them. Systems of justice, advocacy, and care must be prepared not only to hear survivors but to act on their behalf.  

In 2025, let us commit to fostering a community culture that not only believes survivors but actively works to protect and uplift them. 

Alternative questions:  

To someone with a conscience, empathy, and an internal moral compass, the stress of the cognitive dissonance on display can make one’s brain feel like it’s on fire. So many questions.  

1. How is it that at least 70 men—ages 23 to 70+, many married, and many fathers—believed this was acceptable to sexually assault an unconscious woman? 
2. Why are men active in dark web forums where married men organize the drugging and raping of their own wives, not just in France, but around the world.   
3. Would she have been believed if she awoke during an assault and gave a hazy recollection of events?